When Affairs Go Public and Wives Stand by Their Men

The tip-off was a stack of love letters she discovered. Her husband was having an affair with her social secretary. Devastated, she offered him a divorce. But divorce would disgrace their children and ruin his political career. He promised to leave his mistress--though he secretly reneged on that pledge--and the couple stayed together.

He went on to become president of the United States. And she went on to become the Eleanor Roosevelt of enduring fascination, a model of the strong, independent, compassionate first lady.

Hillary Rodham Clinton has often cited her as the kind of first lady she hoped to become, though it is doubtful she was thinking of the bond they shared as embarrassed wives deceived by unfaithful husbands.

For the cheated-on woman in the public arena, there is an endless stream of analysis, bar-stool and beauty-parlor probing of her demeanor. The TV talking heads weigh in. The columnists opine. The radio jocks stir up the masses: What would you do if you were Lee Hart? Kathie Lee Gifford? Frances Swaggart? Camille Cosby?

Hillary Clinton finds herself in this familiar place--the woman scorned, a public figure being dissected like a lab frog.

Through spokeswoman Marsha Berry, Mrs. Clinton conveyed that she loves her husband, is committed to their marriage and forgives him for his admitted relationship with Monica Lewinsky, a then-21-year-old White House intern.

Think Lee Hart, arm draped around her husband, smiling and throwing the crowd a wave as Gary Hart withdrew from the 1988 presidential campaign amid reports of liaisons with other women.

Think Bea Romer, who earlier this year stood next to her husband, Colorado Gov. Roy Romer, as he awkwardly explained a “very affectionate” 16-year relationship with an aide.

Sometimes, a simple loving appearance by the wife is enough to save the abusing husband. Sometimes, the aggrieved spouse cannot bear to speak publicly--Berry says the first lady has no plans to do interviews--so a written statement must suffice.

Think Camille Cosby, who released this terse declaration last year after allegations that husband Bill was the father of a 22-year-old daughter out of wedlock: “All old personal negative issues between Bill and me were resolved years ago. We are a united couple.”

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But often emotions build and ebb and change.

Think Eileen McGann. Two years ago, her husband, Dick Morris, was on top of the world as Clinton’s chief campaign strategist. Suddenly he was forced to resign amid evidence that he had carried on a yearlong affair with a prostitute.

After the news of his adultery broke at the Democratic National Convention, McGann drove Morris home to Connecticut. She posed for a Time cover photo with him, though she told Newsweek that sometimes “I think about dismembering him, and good friends have offered to help me dig up the backyard and bury him.”

It wasn’t long before McGann, a successful trial lawyer, bolted, with Morris in vigorous pursuit, trying to win his wife back. Eventually, they vacationed in France and are now back together.

Peggy Vaughan has spent a lot of time talking and writing about extramarital affairs. She has penned books, formed support groups, appeared on “Oprah” and has a Web site. She got started after her husband of 19 years, James, volunteered in 1974 that he had been cheating on her for some time. Maybe 15 or 16 women.

In 1980, the couple published “Beyond Affairs,” which detailed their experience. “When you share so many life goals like the Clintons, their sex life and marriage are only part of their partnership,” Vaughan says. “There’s a strength of togetherness that comes from having to withstand the public outcry.”