Need a Checkup Before Tennis?

Glendale Hoover grad Leota Daniel attended a 55-year class reunion at the Balboa Bay Club and had a grand time despite a typographical error that lent a sobering note to the proceedings.

“Those wishing to sign up for the putting contest or tennis,” it said, “do so in the Hospital Suite.”

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HARDLY ANY DINER WOULD RELISH THIS: You know that fast-food outlet with the Chihuahua mascot? Well, Terry Fischer of Fontana shopped at one and noticed that his sales slip listed “1 Small Dog” (see accompanying). Actually, Fischer added, the purchase was a stuffed toy version of the pooch.

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CAR CRAZY: Tales in this space about men’s (and women’s) war with pagers prompted a note from Brian Simler of Bakersfield. “Instead of pagers causing headaches, how about cars?” he said. “A friend had a Volkswagen Rabbit he couldn’t drive at night because the headlights didn’t work.

“Also not working were the radio, windshield wipers and the blower for the vents. However, he did drive during the day and each time he stepped on the clutch, the wipers came on, the radio blared, headlights beamed, interior lights shined and the vents blew air.”

“Sure, he could have turned those things off,” Simler added. “But we thought it was way cool.”

The car’s erratic behavior was traced to the fact that it had a loose ground wire.

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TWO NATIONS SEPARATED BY A COMMON LANGUAGE: A reader has offered an interpretation of the “fly tipping forbidden” sign that a vacationing Manhattan Beachite snapped in England. “Tipping,” as I previously mentioned, refers to the dumping of trash. But what of “fly?” Surely, people aren’t dropping trash bags from airplanes? My informant declared that in England, “fly” means the equivalent of “on the sly.” Which wouldn’t rule out airplane dumping, I guess.

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GREAT ISSUES ON THE SCREEN: So how has Hollywood handled the impeachment issue through the years? Thomas Burke writes that he was watching a 1930s-era Betty Boop cartoon, starring the sexy gal with bee stung lips and an itsy-bitsy voice, in which her friend Professor Grampy is mayor. A group of angry voters confront him, chanting, “Not enough bathing girls on the beach. Do something about it or we’ll impeach.” I think censure would have been sufficient.

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NOTHING TO DANCE ABOUT: An item here about Nancy Caldwell, the recipient of mail addressed to Nancy Retired, struck a chord with George Peck. “When I retired,” he wrote, “I received military mail addressed to Major George Peck Ret. The junk mail folks shortened the name and for years I received their epistles addressed to ‘Major Ret.” ’

For obvious reasons, Peck didn’t like the sound of “Major Ret.”

He explained: “I don’t own a baton, I don’t dance in front of the band, I’m not a majorette.”

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DOO DULL: The Pasadena Weekly asserted that the 22nd Doo Dah Parade, once seen as a politically irreverent commentary on current events as well as a parody of the Tournament of Roses, is “closer to the Tournament than some people would want to believe.”

Dare we say it has gone “establishment”? As the Weekly sadly points out, “there were no Monica Lewinskys, no Bill Clintons, no Ken Starrs marching this year.” I’d vote to censure, not impeach, the parade.

miscelLAny:

“You should see the long lines in our house,” wrote Gene Doss of Diamond Bar. He was joking about a flier from a real estate agent who was under the impression that Doss lives in a 1,000-plus bedroom home with three bathrooms (see accompanying). Now there’s a place that would need a hospital suite.

Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.