WASHINGTON INSIGHT

ALPHABET SOUP: Now anyone can sound like an international bureaucrat, talking almost exclusively in acronyms. The European Union’s office here has issued a list of 311 abbreviations ranging from ACP (African, Caribbean and Pacific States) to WIPO (World Intellectual Property Organization). How about CENTELEC, the European Electrotechnical Standards Committee. And if your organization’s name is Federation of European Bearings Manufacturers’ Assn., you might decide to call yourself FEBMA, too.

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UP IN SMOKE: Bill Clinton didn’t inhale; voters in the nation’s capital still are waiting to exhale. On Nov. 3, District of Columbia residents went to the polls and--along with voters in Alaska, Arizona, Nevada and Washington state--cast ballots on whether doctors should be able to recommend use of marijuana for medicinal purposes. Although the four states approved their measures, in D.C., 137,523 ballots were cast on the question and, a month later, not even one has been counted. That’s because Congress prohibited the D.C. government from spending a single dollar on the referendum. But the ballots had been printed, so District residents cast their votes, unaware that they were making even less of a difference than usual. With the battle over the ballots before a federal judge, about 15 pro-democracy demonstrators went last week to the office of Rep. Bob Barr (R-Ga.) with a check for $1.64, the labor cost of pushing the computer button that would print the results. Barr’s staff refused to take the check, and the U.S. Capitol Police threw the protesters out.

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PORK ON THE POTOMAC: Which is not to say that lawmakers never do anything for the District or, at least, for themselves and their friends who live here. Rep. Randy “Duke” Cunningham (R-San Diego) recently added $3 million to the D.C. budget to finance the renovation of the Washington Marina and its wharf. Not only does Cunningham live on a yacht near the marina, he stipulated that the District will not get the money unless it signs a 30-year lease with the family that operates the marina.

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CONTROL NEEDS: Bob Dole often promotes his wife as a potential candidate for the GOP presidential nomination in 2000. But Elizabeth Hanford Dole’s biggest concern about making the race isn’t her ability to raise the $20 million or so she would need to mount a bid for the White House. Instead, the current American Red Cross president is loath to subject her career to withering attack. Friends are not surprised by Elizabeth Dole’s perfectionist tendencies, however. One points out that her mother takes notes on every telephone call she receives--including wrong numbers.

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OTHERWISE, IT’S BILL OR HILLARY: For almost a year now, the independent and congressional investigations of President Clinton’s relationship with a former White House intern have ruined lives all over town. Sleep has been lost, families abandoned and vacations canceled by the unpredictable, seemingly never-ending process. On Tuesday, Rep. Thomas M. Barrett (D-Wis.) appealed to the the chairman of the House Judiciary Committee to wrap things up. Explaining that he and his wife are expecting a child in early January, Barrett told Rep. Henry J. Hyde (R-Ill.) that the couple is considering the names Henry and Henrietta--”depending on whether you keep to that promise” to conclude the impeachment process by the end of the year.