To ‘70s Crime Fighters, Disco’s a Dance Fad and Danger Zone

You think the ‘70s were cool, so you wear platforms and polyester while watching “That ‘70s Show.”

That’s nothing. It’s the ‘70s diluted with the ‘90s.

Can you handle the hard stuff? Let’s see if you’re able to sit through a couple of real ‘70s shows that each feature a disco-themed episode this month on TNT: “Starsky and Hutch” (Dec. 21 at 5 a.m.), from 1978, and “Charlie’s Angels” (Dec. 29 at 6 a.m.), from 1979.

The Angels investigate murders around discos; Starsky and Hutch investigate murders of a disco’s patrons. Both have an over-the-top serial killer. They both feature the song “Disco Inferno.” And, of course, both have heroes who go undercover and dance.

“Disco Angels” is not so different from “Angels Go Trucking” (the Angels go undercover as truck drivers) or “Angels on the Street” (the Angels go undercover as prostitutes); it’s mostly the setting that changes on this series. They all look great, as usual (but only Cheryl Ladd dances--and not very impressively).

If you get the sense that everybody’s partying at this supposedly swinging disco (it’s a mega-cheap set) in the middle of the day, it’s because they are--even the last murder attempt is outside, in broad daylight. But the climax is no yawner; it’s downright funny, though the all-business Angels apparently don’t see the humor.

Starsky (Paul Michael Glaser) and Hutch (David Soul), on the other hand, get serious only when they have to. Their episode, called “Discomania,” guest-stars Adrian Zmed--who eventually went on to co-star in “T.J. Hooker” and host “Dance Fever”--as a dancer and pickpocket.

The bad guy is a rich loser who has a room set up like a mini-disco (it doesn’t look much cheaper than the “Charlie’s Angels” set) and forces his kidnapping victims to dance with him--then he kills them. You know something’s not right when he’s carrying the body of his latest victim and you’re admiring her shoes.

But when Starsky and Hutch are on screen, everything works. These guys are having so much fun and they have such great chemistry that you can overlook cosmetic offenses (in this episode, it’s Hutch’s hair and mustache). It can make the ‘70s a less scary place.

Details, Details

What are the full names of Detectives Starsky and Hutch? (answer below)

Set Your VCR

* Annette Funicello had a crush on Guy Williams of “Zorro” back in the ‘50s. So what better gift could Uncle Walt give her than letting her guest-star in the Disney series? She’s on three episodes (Dec. 11-13 at midnight on the Disney Channel).

* “Combat” starts a new cycle on KDOC Channel 56 with the 1962 pilot, “A Day in June” (Jan. 2 at 1 p.m.). You’ll notice there’s no Littlejohn in this one, Caje goes by a different name, and Hanley is only a sergeant. Guest stars include Harry Dean Stanton (he went by just Dean Stanton in those days); Tom Skerritt makes an unbilled appearance.

* Fay Wray is the defendant’s wife on “Perry Mason” (Dec. 31 at 12:10 a.m. on TBS) from 1958, a quarter-century after a big ape was smitten by her.

* Lifetime is replacing “Homicide” with “The Commish.” The two-part pilot airs Jan. 5 and 6 at 1:30 a.m.

* Susan Sullivan, the mother of all mothers-in-law in “Dharma and Greg,” guest-stars in a 1975 “McMillan and Wife” (Dec. 24 at 5 a.m. and 11 a.m. on A&E;). She had already been on the soap “Another World” for a few years.

* “The Warrior’s Path,” the first of four of Daniel Boone episodes on “The World of Disney,” airs on “Walt Disney Presents” (Friday at 11 p.m. on the Disney Channel). But don’t expect to see Fess Parker: He was Disney’s Davy Crockett in the ‘50s and Daniel Boone in a ‘60s non-Disney show. This Dan’l is Dewey Martin.

Holiday Watch

You can’t turn on the TV during the weeks before Christmas week without tripping all over holiday episodes. Some of the worthier fare:

* “The Honeymooners” episode “ ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas” (Dec. 24 at 11:30 p.m., and Dec. 25 at 7 p.m., on WGN), from 1955, is a “Gift of the Magi” reworking, but it’s not all warm and fuzzy. Norton tells Ralph he put lighted candles on his tree this year. But it might catch fire, Ralph says. Norton’s reply: “So what if it does? The tree only cost us a buck and a half.”

* Dwight D. Eisenhower, Richard Nixon, Iranian Shah Mohammed Reza Pahlavi, Jawaharlal Nehru--and Annette Funicello--are among those appearing in 1962’s “Holiday Time at Disneyland” on “Walt Disney Presents” (Dec. 24 at 4:20 a.m. on the Disney Channel).

* TNN devotes much of its Dec. 18 schedule to Christmas with “The Waltons.” In “The Best Christmas” (10 a.m.), it appears that Olivia’s hopes for a holiday together aren’t going to be realized.

At 4 p.m., the station presents four hours’ worth of Christmas episodes, repeating them at 8 p.m. They include “Day of Infamy” (6 p.m.), in which Mary Ellen plans to join her husband, Curt, in Hawaii.

* Comedy Central says happy holidays its own way with a “Saturday Night Live” Merrython (Dec. 18 from noon to 4 a.m.). Paul Simon and Linda Ronstadt are featured on an installment from the 1987-88 season (noon and 3 a.m.) that depicts a surprise birthday party for Jesus. One from 1986-87 (1 p.m. and 10 p.m.) has the lost ending from “It’s a Wonderful Life.” The guest host is William Shatner; Lone Justice is the musical guest. (Lone who???)

Starting the New Year Right

* FX will ring in the new year appropriately--with first episodes. On Jan. 1: the pilots of “Trapper John, M.D.,” 6 a.m. (starring not Wayne Rogers but Pernell Roberts; immediately following that hourlong episode, FX airs the two-part “MASH” episode in which Trapper is replaced with B.J. Hunnicut), “In Living Color,” 4 p.m. (the Fly Girls are introduced, and spoofs include the Homeboy Shopping Network), “MASH,” 7 p.m. (you’ll see some characters that don’t make the cut for the second season), “The X-Files,” 8 p.m. (Scully and Mulder investigate a series of abductions), “NYPD Blue,” midnight (Kelly takes on the mob when his partner is shot), and the two-hour pilots of “Picket Fences,” 9 a.m. (the tin man in a local production of “The Wizard of Oz” is murdered), “Miami Vice,” 2 p.m. (Crockett and Tubbs become a team), and “Beverly Hills, 90210,” 5 p.m. (the Minnesota twins move to California).

TNN’s New Year’s plans include 18 hours of “Dallas,” starting with Bobby bringing home a wife (9 a.m.). Bobby meets up with brother Gary (10 a.m.), J.R. is shot (1 p.m.) and you find out who done it (2 p.m.). Jock is killed (3 p.m.). Bobby is blinded (7 p.m.), Bobby is killed (8 p.m.) and Bobby’s alive (9 p.m.). In the two-part series finale (Jan. 2 at 1 a.m.), J.R. is shown what things would have been like if he had never been born.

Answer to the trivia question: Dave Starsky and Ken Hutchinson.

* Stations provide airing times and episode schedules, which are subject to change.