Rockettes: Just Kicking Around

The question hovering over most of “The Radio City Christmas Spectacular,” the musical revue at Universal Amphitheatre, is: When will the Rockettes unveil their famous legs again?

Because of the show’s complete absence of human personality, the precision-timed legs become the focal point of interest. During two separate scenes in the first half, “The Parade of the Wooden Soldiers” and “Santa’s Workshop,” the Rockettes’ legs temporarily go into hiding, covered by their costumes. Never fear--the uncovered legs reappear for the subsequent numbers.

So at the Thursday performance, when the production turned pious for its final scene, “The Living Nativity”--with no identifiable Rockettes in sight--I found myself wondering if they would suddenly appear from behind the manger, all decked out as miniskirted angels or shepherdesses, kicking up a storm.

No such luck--this show lacks the courage of its own kitsch. It’s bland and forgettable.

Actually, it’s possible that individual Rockettes are on stage during that final scene, as mere extras rather than star attractions. They’re presumably among the regally attired hangers-on in the retinue of the three kings. The narration covers the story of the three kings but not that of the shepherds, perhaps because kings dress better than shepherds.

The moral of the finale--considered so important that it’s printed in the program and also appears in rolling script on a screen that temporarily obscures the manger--is that the “one solitary life” of Jesus affected humankind more than “all the armies that ever marched and all the navies that ever sailed and all the parliaments that ever sat and all the kings that ever reigned, put together.”

It’s an unwittingly ironic way to end a show that glorifies “armies” of dancers at the expense of individuals, that makes its performers look like automatons instead of artists.

This “Spectacular” lacks the live orchestra that accompanies the New York version of the same show, which has been a point of contention for the Musicians Union, although no union activity was apparent on Thursday. We also get only half as many Rockettes.

Yet while the absence of an orchestra certainly contributes to a prepackaged feeling, it does not follow that the show would become fresh and vital just by adding live musicians. More varied moods and some genuine sentiment would also come in handy.

There are a few glimmers of ingenuity and enterprise. In the “Wooden Soldiers” number, the Rockettes restrain their famous limbs to very short, stiff movements, and then end the number by becoming a suspensefully slow chain of falling dominoes--an impressive stunt. During the “Carol of the Bells,” a couple of solo dancers briefly break out of the waxworks.

Besides the all-female Rockettes, the cast includes a mixed-gender corps of 12 singers and 10 dancers, actors who mouth the usual lines as Santa and Mrs. Claus, five little people playing Santa’s elves, a girl and a boy who strut their Shirley Temple-like stuff, and two skaters who briefly appear on a tiny rink. Actors cavort in cutesy animal costumes, and real animals appear--a little dog as the capstone of the opening number and a few barnyard animals and camels in the nativity scene.

The singers smile so strenuously during the first half of the show, it’s almost as if they’re afraid the smile police will dock their pay at the slightest sign of a sagging dimple. They surely look forward to the respite they get in a scene depicting last-minute Christmas shopping, in which they can look frazzled instead of blissed-out for about two seconds. Anyone who would rather avoid seeing this display of militant smiling should sit near the rear. I moved back during the 20-minute intermission.

The location of this show, adjacent to a theme park, makes sense, because it’s essentially an overblown theme-park revue (though admission is separate from that of the Universal Studios Tour). The venue is also relatively far from the theme parks of Orange County and the Crystal Cathedral’s more elaborate nativity pageant. The production could lay greater claim to its turf, however, if it injected some local color. Why the “Christmas in New York” number? A little imagination surely could have devised “Christmas in L.A.”

* “The Radio City Christmas Spectacular,” Universal Amphitheatre, 100 Universal City Plaza, Universal City. Tuesdays-Saturdays, 8:15 p.m.; Sundays, 7:15 p.m.; Saturdays-Sundays, 1:15 and 4:15 p.m.; also this Wednesday-Friday, Dec. 22-24, 29, 2:15 p.m.; Dec. 21, 28, 2:15 and 8:15 p.m. Dark Dec. 25. Ends Dec. 29. $19.50-$59.50. (213) 252-TIXS. Running time: 2 hours.

Presented by Radio City Entertainment and Universal Concerts. Produced by David J. Nash. Directed and choreographed by Linda Haberman. Sets by John Shaffner, Joe Stewart. Lighting by David Agress. Costumes by Pete Menefee. Sound by Daniel Gerhard. Musical supervisor Mark Hummerl. Original lyrics by David Zippel. Production stage manager B.J. Allen.