Laugh Lines

"Did you see the new Linda Tripp doll that's on the market? It's a talking doll. Problem is, it talks behind your back." (Jay Leno)

A Direct Shot: Archeologists have discovered an ancient Indian burial site in Carson. "It's proof, they say, that Jack Kevorkian performed his first assisted suicide in Southern California." (Paul Ecker)

Take Another Shot: Experts say Texas leads the country in deaths by lethal injection. "The state right after Texas is wherever Jack Kevorkian happens to be practicing." (Paul Steinberg)

Web Woes: Elwood Edwards, the guy who says "You've got mail" on America Online, said he met his wife on the Internet. "Sadly, she turned out to be a 400-pound mailman named Bob." (Leno)

Microsloppy: Windows 98 apparently has a Y2K glitch that makes the phone dialer log the call as 1900 instead of 2000. "Hey, great, as long as I get a phone bill at 1900 prices." (Gary Easley)

Wait a Minute: "Microsoft was all set to join in the recent merger frenzy. Until it realized it already owns everything." (Steinberg)

A for Effort: A new study says recess for schoolchildren should not be replaced with more instructional time. "Experts are a bit suspicious of the study. It's written in crayon." (Steinberg)

Just a Sip: 7-Eleven stores announced they will begin carrying a selection of 39 wines. "Now customers must remember: red wine with beef jerky, white wine with fish crackers." (Argus Hamilton)

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