Thinking of a Freer Way of Life

Dear Cynthia: I have been married for more than 25 years, but at least twice a year I have a powerful sexual dream about my ex-boyfriend. I have four children, and my marriage is OK, but this guy is still very much in my heart. Why is this feeling so strong?

--KAY (last name withheld by request)

Laguna Hills

Dear Reader: It is not at all unusual to dream of past love. Past lovers represent a freer, less encumbered time when the responsibilities of marriage and children didn’t interfere with the spontaneity of romance. When you dream of past love, you are longing to merge with and connect to the qualities you associate with that person.

Of course, if you have real desires for this person, that’s another thing, but most often the past lover is symbolic of the good stuff you remember: excitement, freedom, youth and the like. Some women and men even experience orgasm during these dreams. Great bonus! Some people then feel they have cheated on their mates, but they needn’t feel guilty.

We also dream of sex when we haven’t had any in a while. Perhaps it’s time to plan a romantic getaway with your husband and spice up the passion.

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Dear Cynthia: My recurring dream takes place at a fancy ballroom party with tons of people. Everybody is wearing masks. I walk around and finally meet the person I think is perfect for me. We dance and after a while she compliments me and tells me she is really enjoying my company and wants to see my face. When I take off my mask, she says I am even more handsome than she expected. I ask to see her face and just as she is about to remove her mask, there is an earthquake and we are separated. I later find out that my dream woman has died. I never do get to see her face.

--DANNY TOMITA

West Covina

Dear Reader: Your dream represents a very common male fantasy, that there is one perfect woman out there for you. It also represents a common fear, that you will never find her. The ballroom represents your desire for a refined, classy woman. Dancing is the courting process. Masks, of course, hide our identity: You are wondering, who is your ideal mate? The earthquake is symbolic of a horrible event, out of your control, that prevents you from being with your true love.

Many men put off committing to one woman, waiting for this perfect woman to come into their lives. They are plagued by the fear that if they do commit and are then unavailable, they will meet someone better, more beautiful, younger or more successful. This can lead to a very lonely existence.

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Dear Cynthia: I was traveling to Hawaii by plane with my husband. We were supposed to be taking off, but I felt like we had been taxiing for too long. Looking out the window, I realized that we were on a freeway! Suddenly I found myself lying on the freeway with my husband. Apparently the plane had blown apart! We weren’t hurt, but before we had time to get up, I saw a huge gasoline truck jackknife and start sliding directly toward us. I looked at my husband and said to him, very calmly, “We’re going to die now.” I wanted to be thinking the right things when I died, so I turned to him and said, “I love you.” At that moment, the truck stopped sliding and we were safe.

--JANETTE (last name withheld

by request)

Long Beach

Dear Reader: Your dream shows that your marriage needs an injection of intimacy. Hawaii is considered a paradise: You seek romantic bliss. It seems you’ve waited a little too long to take off and renew the romance in your marriage.

You survive the first disaster, but another is headed your way. Saying “We’re going to die now” refers to the marriage dying or ending. Expressing your love saves the day. So your dream is a warning, a beautiful service provided by your subconscious. Don’t delay.

* To contact Cynthia Richmond, write to “In Your Dreams,” Life & Style, the Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053; send a fax to (213) 237-0732; or e-mail her at cynthrich@aol.com.