Lair Flair

St. Valentine’s Day was the day when birds in the wild would find their mates, or so said Old English poets.

Young women in 18th century England devised other methods to discover their true loves.

Some wrote men’s names on scraps of paper, stuffed them into balls of clay and dropped the balls into water. The first lump of clay to rise to the surface would answer the riddle.

Other women pinned bay leaves to their pillows on Feb. 13. If the charm worked, they would see their future husbands in their dreams.

Many people believe that destiny will somehow lead the perfect partner to their door.

“Women, especially those who have been divorced, feel they need more control over this area of their lives. Maybe they’ve made a mistake and want to do it right this time,” said Suzie Brierley, founder of Corona del Mar-based Romanceworks Inc., which provides relationship counseling, seminars and audio and video tapes. “They want to fall in love with someone who shares their values, who can be happy in a relationship where they can be themselves.

“The key is tapping into a man’s unconsciousness so that he begins falling in love with you the first time he steps into your home,” said Brierley, who holds a master’s degree in clinical psychology.

(Brierley advises not to invite dates home until the fourth or fifth encounter.)

“A man should walk into your home and feel overwhelmed by the feeling of comfort, of entering another world that welcomes him in. He should think, ‘This is such a wonderful room, I never want to leave.’ ”

Translation: He’s falling in love.

Interior designers have long recognized that our personal spaces reflect who we are.

“Your focus needs to be on what makes you happy when you walk into your home,” said Daniel Wright, owner of Wright Designs in Laguna Beach and Palm Springs. “The more comfortable you are, the more open you’re going to be.”

Wright, like many interior designers, has noticed that today’s single men are very aware of how a woman’s personality is reflected in her home. “White carpet and a request to remove your shoes may not result in a second date,” he said.

Jeanine Veldhuis of Veldhuis Interior Design in Corona del Mar agreed. “Men want to know that fun happens here, that your home is not so pristine that nothing’s ever touched. They don’t always respond to individual things. They just know how they feel when they walk into your home.”

What do you think makes men feel comfortable in a home? The Victorian boudoir look with fringed scarves draped over the lampshades? A video-game arcade in the dining room?

The perfect launch pad for romance is a little more subtle. Design experts offer suggestions:

* Lots of warm neutral colors--beiges, greens, blues and peach tones. Avoid harsh tones, especially black, brown, orange and olive green.

* Textured and soft fabrics are very appealing.

* Sectionals, large sofas and chairs are great if the room is big enough. Men melt at the sight of an overstuffed leather chair with matching ottoman.

* Toss pillows on the floor.

* Use a coffee tables that’s about 20 inches off the floor. That’s the perfect height for intimate candle-lit suppers. Tables with distressed wood tops invite men to put their feet up and settle in.

* A big-screen television offers the opportunity to play romantic videos.

* Simple draperies create a feeling of warmth and intimacy. Avoid an elaborate, heavy museum look.

* People love real plants. It evokes feelings of the jungle.

* Fire, in any form. The fireplace should be ready to use all year, with matches nearby. Use lots of candles as part of your decorating scheme. Most men like vanilla and other light scents.

* A number of well-placed lamps are better than one major light source. This gives more control over creating a mood, especially if the lights can be dimmed. Pink-toned lightbulbs help erase facial wrinkles and work wonders for the complexion.

* Art work and books are high on the list because they reveal so much about us.

What not to do?

* Topping the list of don’ts are silk flowers, potpourri, tons of knickknacks and pastel colors.

* Pale blue walls create a refrigerator affect, and some shades of yellows can make you look ill.

* People respond well to neatness and organization. “An untidy house is an absolute turnoff,” said Ron Weaver, 49, a single man who lives Irvine. “If their house is messy I guarantee that their checkbook is messy. Usually their personal life is pretty messy too.”

* Even if you work there, don’t make your home look like an office with lots of metal, glass, computers and stereo equipment.

The key word is comfort.

Men appreciate a comfortable sofa big enough for two. They want to put their feet up on something that won’t shatter into a million pieces. They want to escape the pressures of their hectic lives, relax and enjoy themselves.

“We want to be around people we can have fun with. Although we can’t go around blabbing about all the exciting things we do, we can let others know a lot about us by strategically placing photographs around the living room,” Brierley said.

Snapshots--taken on the slopes, with friends on vacation at an exotic resort or on a camping trip--show us in our best light.

“Photos tell about a woman’s family and friends. They give me a better sense of who she, that she’s confident and secure,” said Ken Recker, 39, a single man who lives Tustin.

“Pictures are good clues about someone’s personality,” said Tom Leffler, 31, another single man from Sunset Beach. “But I get really nervous if a woman only has pictures of herself. That’s a real tip-off that she’s self-absorbed.” Both Recker and Leffler look for photographs of a woman’s family and admit to feeling a little nervous if they don’t see any.

Women can do some detective work when they’re invited into a man’s home. A man living with unpacked boxes and lots of stuff lying around probably wants and needs a woman in his life, Brierley said.

“A true sign of a non-commiter is a man whose home is absolutely perfect. It will usually be furnished in glass, chrome and expensive stereo equipment, nothing out of place. This guy has no room in his life for a wife or children,” she says.

Social psychologists admit that studying romance and relationships has never been easy.

“It’s hard to develop a scientific theory,” says Jeffrey Lewis, associate professor of psychology at Pitzer College in Claremont. “The issues of love and romance deal with what is unique about each of us. You can talk about it, you can study it, but you can’t explain it. And, because we can’t understand it, we sometimes keep repeating the same mistakes.”

People today don’t have to rely on soggy wads of clay or bay leaves either.

“Finding one’s soul mate has nothing to do with destiny,” Brierley said. “Falling in love with the right person and laying the groundwork for long-lasting happiness just requires a little effort.”