Clowns? Smarmy? That’s Not Quite the Olympic Spirit

Bruce Keidan of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette had a long list of beefs about the recently concluded Winter Olympics. Here’s No. 1 on his list:

“They are run by crackpots and imbeciles. The initials IOC are an abbreviation for I’m an Officious Clown.

“Juan Antonio Samaranch is the perfect IOC president, a smarmy, self-serving hypocrite. The late Avery Brundage, wherever he is, must be very proud.”

OK, Bruce, now tell us what you really don’t like about Samaranch.

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Add Keidan: “Snowboarding. If ever a sport belonged on ESPN2 and nowhere else, it’s snowboarding.

“Snowboarders start out as skateboarders. Then it snows, and they take off the wheels. But at heart, they’re still skateboarders. Hoping to attract Generation X viewers, the IOC let them in.”

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Trivia time: Last Saturday, Australia’s Emma George became the first woman to pole vault 15 feet. Who was the first man to clear that height?

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Tongue-twister: Olympic ski-jump gold medalist Jani Soininen also has the distinction of having the toughest home town to pronounce: Jvaeskylae, Finland.

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A real stretch: San Diego pitching coach Dave Stewart believes the Padres’ starting rotation can match up with Atlanta’s.

He compares Kevin Brown, Andy Ashby, Joey Hamilton and Sterling Hitchcock to Greg Maddux, John Smoltz, Denny Neagle and Tom Glavine.

“I’m going to stick my neck out and say it: I believe this is a World Series-quality pitching staff.”

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Nineteenth hole first: George A. Linnelli in a letter to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette: “I’ll never forget what pro golfer Cary Middlecoff told Ted Williams when Ted asked him why he was drinking a cocktail before a golf match.

“Cary said, ‘Ted, I’m not an athlete, I’m a golfer.’ ”

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No winter wonderland: Terry Mills of the Miami Heat, on his recent arthroscopic knee surgery to clean up loose particles and remove damaged cartilage:

“I watched a video of it and it looked like a snowstorm in there.”

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One happy family: Chicago’s Dennis Rodman had some advice for Bull General Manager Jerry Krause after he explained the somewhat inexplicable trade of Jason Caffey to the Golden State Warriors as a way of keeping Rodman from occasionally flipping out while realizing he had a quality backup.

“I think Jerry Krause should keep his mouth shut,” Rodman said. “He is always telling me to keep my mouth closed when I say something stupid. He should keep his mouth closed. I’m going to be the same old Dennis. That is a bad strategy.”

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Looking back: On this day in 1959, Bob Cousy of the Boston Celtics set an NBA record with 28 assists (since broken) against the Minneapolis Lakers.

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Trivia answer: Cornelius Warmerdam, who vaulted 15 feet on April 13, 1940, at Berkeley.

Warmerdam would go on to raise the outdoor record to 15 feet 7 1/4 inches.

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And finally: From Jay Leno: “Even though war has been avoided, the word is out the Clinton administration may try some covert action to try to topple Saddam Hussein.

“Rather than bombing him, what they’re going to do is send the U.S. Olympic hockey team over there and have them trash the place.”