A Matter of Natter

New York artist Eva Shaderowfsky was logged on to an online chat room for writers when she began exchanging messages with a man whose responses she found brilliant and intriguing. When he suggested they go to a private chat room, she consented.

Because he seemed so worldly-wise, Shaderowfsky imagined this stranger to be somewhere in his 50s. But when the subject was raised about their respective ages, Shaderowfsky, who is in her late 50s, was shocked to find that this man was but a boy of 16.

Shaderowfsky shares this story not as an example of the pitfalls that await us online. Rather, for her, it speaks to the possibilities created by a communication form without the baggage and barriers of the world offline.

“If I met someone of age 16 on the street, would we have spoken to one another? I doubt it,” says Shaderowfsky. “I might have thought he would resent talking to someone my age. But online, there are all kinds of prejudices that fall by the wayside.”

To be sure, not all chat rooms resemble an electronic version of the Algonquin Roundtable. The chatter is not always witty, urbane and thoughtful.

Spend a little time in certain chat rooms on America Online or other popular Internet services, with their infuriatingly insipid chatter, and you might conclude that modern civilization is tanking faster than the Titanic. Such chat rooms, as one humorist described it, are like “CB radio with typing.”

While that’s a good description of some chat rooms, there are plenty of places online where like-minded people can meet to engage in lively, informed and useful discussions. There are chat rooms devoted to Francis Ford Coppola movies, Canadian politics, pets, plants or the play-making skills of Laker star Kobe Bryant.

Utne Reader, an alternative magazine, sponsors Cafe Utne, an eclectic collection of online discussion groups in which participants can converse in a “relaxing, harassment-free community where ideas and issues are discussed in a thoughtful and respectful manner.” Some recent topics included ecology, journal-writing, Brazilian music and cross-cultural sex.

“Chat rooms are a way for folks with similar or offbeat interests to connect via the Internet with other folks with similar interests,” says Sue Boettcher, who has hosted chat rooms for America Online and set up and managed other Internet chat rooms.

But good conversation--whether at a dinner party or online--doesn’t always come naturally, Boettcher and other chat room experts say. It takes careful preparation and planning on the part of chat room organizers.

And like a successful dinner party, it usually requires a host who knows how to keep the conversation moving, get the guests involved and defuse any potentially explosive situations.

Shaderowfsky, the founder of “The Women’s Room” on America Online, says good guests and hosts are crucial to the success of a chat room. Shaderowfsky also founded “Evenings With Eva,” an AOL discussion group focusing on women’s issues.

“A good host is someone who likes to talk to people,” she says. “I like talking and listening when someone talks to me. I like the exchange of ideas and a nurturing atmosphere where guests are made to feel good.”

Interesting guests are also important. Guests on “Evenings With Eva” have recently included a belly dancer, a prostitute-turned-video artist, U.S. Rep. Loretta Sanchez (D-Garden Grove) and Aliza Sherman, an author and founder of the Cybergrrl site on the World Wide Web.

Besides lining up interesting guests, hosts need to be active participants in the discussion, willing to give their opinions on a topic even if controversial.

“I try to keep the tone civil,” Shaderowfsky says. “Disagreement is OK. But when it feels like people are almost yelling through their computers, I’ll say: ‘Is everybody OK? Should we move on?’ There’s a saying on AOL that you smile from the wrists down. I don’t have to actually be smiling, but I do have to be smiling with my hands.”

Sometimes, though, things do get out of hand. Disruptive guests, usually someone who insults people, sends vulgar messages or refuses to stick to the topic, can be dealt with thanks to technology.

“You need to start with good software,” says Boettcher. In some chat rooms, the hosts can push an “ignore” command so that a disruptive guest’s messages don’t appear on the screen. Some chat room software also allows guests to block any “instant messages” from unwanted visitors.

“As host, you can also boot people out of the room if they are being disruptive,” Boettcher says.

Troublesome guests are more of a problem in the large public chat rooms of the big Internet service providers, she says. In private chat rooms or discussion groups, people are less likely to be disruptive.

Some social scientists have warned that people who spend lots of time engaging in chat room communication may suffer negative consequences. Relationships with family and friends may deteriorate because heavy users of online services may spend less time talking in person, preferring the relative comfort and security of anonymous conversation. Or they may suffer disappointment when the “false” identities they create online don’t carry over to their offline lives, some experts warn.

While that may be true for some people, there are also plenty of benefits to chat rooms. People can share their interests with people they might otherwise not meet. Disabled persons, the elderly and those living in remote communities can find friends and a social support network online that can enrich their lives.

Shaderowfsky says she first discovered chat rooms in 1991 after one of her sons gave her AOL software and a modem for her Apple computer. She had recently been diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, a debilitating illness that left her mostly homebound and unable to pursue her career as a successful photographic artist.

Unable to find an online discussion group for her illness, she decided to create one on AOL.

“It made me know that I wasn’t alone, like I was part of the world and that there was a world out there very much like the one I had just left,” she says.