The State of the Union Is a Matter of Tense

Question: Have you ever smoked marijuana?

Answer: When I was in England, I never once violated the drug laws of this country.

Q: Have you ever had an extramarital affair?

A: I have caused pain in my marriage.

Q: Did you participate in the looting of Madison Guaranty Savings & Loan?

A: The money in my billfold was obtained by legal means.

Q: Have you ever groped or fondled a female White House employee?

A: My hands are not currently in an improper relationship with any object or person, animate or inanimate.

Q: Did you at any time in the past or present ever grope or fondle a female White House employee?

A: Let me be absolutely clear about this. During my time in the Oval Office, I never groped or fondled a female White House employee.

Q: Did you ever at any time in the past or present grope or fondle a female White House employee in a room other than the Oval Office?

A: I want to get back to the job the American people hired me to do. Improper relationships do not exist in any room in the White House that I know of. And I intend to cooperate fully with the investigation.

Q: Have you stopped cheating on your wife?

A: I never did any such thing. My natural impulse is to be infuriated at your suggestion.

Q: Did you or Vernon Jordan at any time suggest to Monica Lewinsky that she should lie about her relationship with you under oath?

A: At no time did Ms. Lewinsky and I have an improper relationship while under oath.

Q: During your deposition in the Paula Jones case, you stated under oath that you had never had a sexual relationship with Ms. Lewinsky, is that correct?

A: I don’t know how to be more specific. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Under oath, Ms. Lewinsky and I never had a sexual relationship of any kind.

Q: Have you ever at any time, past or present, under oath or not under oath, had sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky?

A: Again, let me be absolutely clear. During my time in the Oval Office, I never once had sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky.

Q: Have you ever had sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky, past or present, under oath or not under oath, during your time in the Oval Office or during your time in the small private office, just off the Oval Office?

A: Sexual relations? I can look you and the American people straight in the eye and say to you that I never under any circumstances had sexual intercourse with Monica Lewinsky.

Q: Have you ever had sexual relations or engaged in any other sexual act including but not limited to sexual intercourse with Monica Lewinsky, past or present, under oath or not under oath, during your time in the Oval Office or during your time in the small private office, just off the Oval Office?

A: When I was in England, I never once violated the drug laws of this country.