Problem Was, the Reporters Liked It

Do you remember when U.S. forces played raucous music during Operation Just Cause in a psychological attempt to force Panamanian strongman Manuel Noriega to surrender? Well, taking a page from the Pentagon playbook, Malibu strongwoman Barbra Streisand had loudspeakers blaring heavy metal music on Wednesday to drive away the uninvited media from her wedding to actor James Brolin.

Call it Operation Just Babs.

Of course, another theory holds that this was just a preview of things to come. Streisand, in fact, wants to expand her horizons by recording a heavy metal album.

Perhaps with Pat Boone.

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MORE WEDDING BELL BLUES: The musical bombardment wasn’t the first bizarre weapon used against the media at a local celebrity marriage. When Sean and Madonna Penn united in Malibu in 1985, someone scrawled an obscene message in 6-foot-high letters on the nearby beach, apparently to make the overhead camera coverage unusable.

One now-divorced celebrity couple that didn’t experience a media frenzy were Paula Abdul and Emilio Estevez. They were married in Santa Monica in 1992--on the first day of the L.A. riots.

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THE GRASS ISN’T ALWAYS GREENER: Diana Lejins snapped a shot of a “Please Keep off the Grass” sign in Long Beach--at a dirt lot (see photo). Then again it was next to the new aquarium. Perhaps the sea horses nibbled all the green stuff.

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I TAWT I TAW A PUDDY TAT!: Marcy Springer spotted a vet in Santa Barbara who specializes in treating two enemies (see photo). I hope this vet takes the same precautions in his Sylvester-Tweety Bird operation as one who runs a hospital near downtown L.A. The latter doc has one door marked “Dogs” and one marked “Cats.”

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LA LA LICENSE: There’s now a “Southern California Driver’s License Application.” I know because Joseph Strapac sent me an Internet version. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before the DMV makes the application official. Here’s a sample question:

Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that apply)

[ ] Applying makeup

[ ] Talking on the phone

[ ] Slapping kids in the back seat

[ ] Having sex

[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs

[ ] Tanning

[ ] Snorting cocaine

[ ] Watching TV

[ ] Reading Variety

[ ] Surfing the net via laptop

miscelLAny:

Geoff Kuenning noticed that a local hospital is running an ad on the Dodger radio broadcasts that suggests listeners “come to us for all your sports injury needs.” Commented Kuenning: “Personally, I don’t think I HAVE a particular need for a sports injury.”

Which reminds me: Take it easy during those Fourth of July softball games.