It Was Such a Deal . . . but Will It Leave a Bad Taste?

This is a cheap column about a cheap joke from a cheap store.

Cheapness, however, is this retailer’s stock in trade. The 99 Only Stores are anything but high and mighty and snootier than thou. These brightly lit emporiums pride themselves on being the limbo dancers of discount, up to the challenge of “How low can you go?”

And this doesn’t just apply to price. And so it was this week that on Tuesday some local family newspapers, including this one, carried a 99 Only Stores ad that promoted an unlikely “Father’s Day Special”--the unauthorized, as-told-to “private diary” of Lyle Menendez.

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Truth is, I fell for it. I’m embarrassed to admit that, when a colleague showed me the “Father’s Day Special,” a book about a guy who, with brother Erik, resolved some parental issues with shotguns, my jaw dropped.

“That’s sick, isn’t it?” Tony Ciulla said with a laugh from the chain’s headquarters in the City of Commerce. “Obviously it’s done tongue in cheek. Maybe it’s not a good joke, but it’s a joke.”

Ciulla is a buyer for the chain and, it seems, de facto spokesman. When I explained why I was calling, I was referred to him.

“Ads can be pretty boring,” he continued. “Obviously, some people might look at it as being in bad taste. But in our mind, we say, come on, lighten up . . . .

“Hey, isn’t that a great price? And this is a hardback.”

True, hard to beat 99 cents for a hardback. Ciulla reminded me that, a few seasons ago, the store touted O.J. Simpson’s “I Want to Tell You.”

Now it was coming back to me. If memory serves, that was a Father’s Day Special too, I think, and Jay Leno joked about it. (Please don’t tell me it was a Mother’s Day Special.)

So dubious taste generates dubious publicity. On Tuesday, deejays were already yukking it up. And, of course, there’s this column.

Some readers, no doubt, may be tsk-tsking that I would waste any ink on this distasteful business. I will quote the observation of a friend who relishes sick humor. “Yes, it’s in bad taste,” he will say. “But remember, bad taste is timeless.”

Elvis Presley’s manager once said there’s no such thing as bad publicity, and the 99 Only Stores apparently subscribe to that belief. This chain isn’t Kmart and Wal-Mart, much less Nordstrom or Bloomingdale’s. Image, schimage. These stores just want to grab your attention, get you into one of their outlets, and hope you’re compulsive about bargains.

The Father’s Day Special wasn’t the only gag in this ad. The upper left corner advertised “Viagara” drinking water--three one-gallon jugs for you know how many cents. The stores actually stock a brand called Niagara.

“The so-called typo in the headline--that was our intention,” Ciulla said.

Ciulla said he could imagine women lining up for that deal. One woman, he claimed, called to ask how much she should serve her husband. I think he was joking.

“I wonder if it works,” he mused. “I may have to to get a gallon myself.”

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Ciulla generously offered to send me a copy of the Menendez book. I demurred, preferring to drive down to the Canoga Park store on Sherman Way, next-door to a pawnshop.

The store was busy, but the Menendez book--”as told to Norma Novelli with Mike Walker, author of ‘Nicole Brown Simpson: The Private Diary of a Life Interrupted’ “--didn’t seem to be selling. It was published by the tabloidish Dove Books, which obviously overestimated the market.

The store had a stack of Lyle Menendez books between hardback copies of “Bo Knows Bo” by Bo Jackson with Dick Schaap and “Partners in Power: The Clintons and Their America” by Roger Morris. Nearby was a row of “Memories of Madison County: The True Story of My Romance With Robert James Waller” by Jana St. James. I could have had all four for less than four bucks!

I bought the Menendez book, thinking I might find some sentimental passage appropriate for Father’s Day that I could share with you here. I didn’t.

And I picked up “Partners in Power” because I’m pretty sure it contains bad stuff about the Clintons and a friend loves bad stuff about the Clintons. (Not long after the Monica Lewinsky story broke, Ciulla told me, the store advertised “a blowout sale” on the Clinton book.)

On my way out, I grabbed a six-pack of Coca-Cola. For 99 cents! That’s 16 1/2 cents a can!

And to think, if it hadn’t been for the Father’s Day Special, I’d have never gotten such a deal. The Cokes are in my fridge now, and I’m just hoping they’re not old and flat. When it comes to some things, I have no tolerance for bad taste.

Scott Harris’ column appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. Readers may write to him at The Times’ Valley Edition, 20000 Prairie St., Chatsworth 91311, or via e-mail at scott.harris@latimes.com. Please include a phone number.

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Some readers, no doubt, may be tsk-tsking that I would waste any ink on this distasteful business.