Monkey-Sitters Are Hard to Come by

A few charter members of the new Long Beach Aquarium of the Pacific regrettably turned down offers to attend preview showings of the big fish house--including one woman who had an unusual reason.

“She wanted to bring her pet monkey and we said we can’t allow you to bring it in,” said aquarium spokeswoman Michele Nachum. “She said, ‘Well, if I can’t find a sitter, I can’t come.’ ”

NO-FREE-LUNCHES DEPT.: Nachum also wished to remind other owners of, uh, pets that no animals are allowed inside to observe the sea creatures.

“Including cats, of course,” she said.

THE OTHER SHOE FINALLY DROPS: Only in L.A.’s universe has been out of whack ever since a photo was published here advertising one shoe for sale. My thanks then to John Mayer of North Hollywood who restored some balance by finding a store that sells an extra piece of footwear (see photos).

DO THEY FIX LUNCH, TOO? Nancy Vandermey of Altadena came across a flier with a discount offer on her doorstep that caused her to comment: “How nice of them to pay me for working on my house” (see accompanying).

GUFFAWING POSTAL: Leroy Rodenberg of Downey received a letter that was marked, “Rush to Addressee . . . Extremely Important . . . Rush Priority . . . Express Letter.”

Well, perhaps it didn’t have all that much rush priority. As Rodenberg pointed out, it “was mailed bulk rate.”

FOR THE BIRDS: “For a long time, I was awakened around 3 in the morning by the sound of a car alarm,” wrote Nancy Zeavin of Altadena. “After investigating, I discovered it was a mockingbird who had decided to nest in the tree outside my bedroom window. There is a reason they call them mockingbirds. I already checked . . . they are a protected species. It would be nice to know how long they live, though. I already know that they keep coming back to their old nests year after year after year. I don’t know which is worse, the mockingbirds or the skunk family under my house.”

Well, it could be worse--if, for instance, the skunks decided to retaliate against the birds outside her window. . . .

500 SUITS ON THE TOWN: A while back I asked Jack Murphy of the National C.B. Handle Registry for some tall tales that truckers exchange on the road. He told me this one:

A trucker delivering 500 penguins to the L.A. Zoo broke down in the desert. He flagged a truck with an empty trailer and offered the driver $500 to take the penguins to the zoo.

The next day, the first driver arrived in L.A. and what should he see but the other trucker, crossing a busy boulevard with the 500 penguins walking in single file behind him. The first driver ran over and asked, “What’s going on? I gave you $500 to take these penguins to the zoo!”

The other trucker responded, “I did take them to the zoo. But I had a lot of money left over. So now we’re going to see a movie.”

miscelLAny:

Here’s confirmation of what you’ve always suspected about people that you can never reach by phone. Bonnie Moura of Glendale sent along an ad for a 24-hour “lie” answering service.

Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.