Hands Down, He Doesn’t Love This Game
Thomas Boswell in the Washington Post: “For the past 25 years, from the World Cup to pro soccer in both America and Europe, right through the NCAA and high school versions of the sport. I’ve given soccer every chance. Time’s up.
“Soccer is a good game. . . . Or, to be more precise, it’s a good game considering it’s a sport in which the most gifted part of the human body--the hands--can’t be used. . . .
“Soccer seems not to have noted the evolution of opposable thumbs. What about the upper extremities, fellows? Was the game invented by kangaroos?”
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More soccer: David Casstevens in the Arizona Republic: “The philosopher who said a tie is like kissing your sister obviously doesn’t understand soccer.”
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Trivia time: Who is the oldest golfer to win the U.S. Open?
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Remember when? Jayson Stark in the Philadelphia Inquirer: “The last time the Chicago Cubs won a World Series, Teddy Roosevelt was president, Babe Ruth was 13 years old, Henry Ford had just rolled his first Model-T off the assembly line and there was no euphoria on talk shows--because no one had invented radios yet.
“Now that, friends, is what you call a drought.”
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Weird dude: Chicago Bull forward Jud Buechler on how to tell Michael Jordan’s fans from Dennis Rodman’s:
“Dennis is the Elvis of the underground. He brings some creatures out from the night. That’s his fan club. Michael just has the regular All-American kids.”
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Frustration: Jay Greenberg in the New York Post on golfer Jim Furyk’s many runner-up finishes, including Sunday when he lost in a playoff to J.P. Hayes in the Buick Classic:
“You can cry for [Jim Furyk]. The guy’s has more seconds in his career than even Mike Tyson. He has taken more fifths than John Gotti.”
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Skeptical: Blackie Sherrod in the Dallas Morning News: “Only a jaundiced soul would smell a connection between the cancellation of the Holyfield-Akinwande fight (supposedly because of latter’s illness) and a badly disappointing advance sale at the box office and pay-TV.
“Color me jaundiced.”
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One-sided: From comedian Paul Rodriguez: ‘Don’t call hunting a sport. In a sport, both sides should know they’re in a game.”
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Frying pan to . . . : From David Letterman: “Just six months ago, Orlando Hernandez escaped the island of Cuba, and recently he pitched his first winning game in Yankee Stadium.
“He’s a very lucky man. He escapes the dictatorial reign of a ruthless tyrant and ends up working for George Steinbrenner.”
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No muni setup: From comedy writer Earl Hochman: “With Donald Trump building a posh $40-million golf resort in West Palm Beach, golfers will have to pay a greens fee of $48. And that’s just for the tees.”
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FYI: The most popular boat name for 1998 is Serenity, according to a survey by the Boat Owners Assn. of the U.S. Runner-up is Osprey, followed by Obsession.
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Looking back: On this day in 1960, Ted Williams became the fourth member of the 500-homer fraternity when he connected off Cleveland’s Wynn Hawkins in a 3-1 Boston Red Sox victory.
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Trivia answer: Hale Irwin was 45 when he won the U.S. Open in 1990 in a playoff with Mike Donald at the Medinah (Ill.) Country Club.
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And finally: If you’re a weekend golfer and are concerned about your clubhead speed, don’t read this.
According to a Scripps Howard News Service report, long-driving specialist Sean Fister’s clubhead speed averages 150 mph.
Fister, who does exhibitions with John Daly, said that Daly’s clubhead speed is in the “upper 130s.”
