An MTA Report Bugs Readers

In case you missed it, the MTA cafeteria was closed for two days by the county health department for, among other things, “failure to prevent entrance and harboring of vermin.”

“Given the troubles the MTA has had with lobbyists recently,” writes Doug Barnes, “don’t you wonder how many legs those vermin had?”

Ouch. Looks like the readers are in a bad mood today.

CRAWLING RIGHT ALONG: David Gershwin observed grouchily: “Maybe the acronym MTA actually describes the vermin situation--’Mostly, They’re Alive.’ ”

THINGS: You’ll recall that cable TV host Franklin Ruehl asserted that TV’s “Jeopardy” was incorrect in saying that Ted Cassidy portrayed Thing as well as Lurch on TV’s “The Addams Family.” Ruehl pointed out that the credits always said that Thing, the disembodied hand, was played by “Itself.”

Responds Alan Bosshardt: “Does Franklin Ruehl think that there is really a disembodied hand named Thing (or maybe, “Itself”) drawing a Screen Actors Guild pension?”

(I told you the readers were in a feisty mood).

“Of course, Ted Cassidy played Lurch,” Bosshardt continued, “but the producers revealed that, possessing the largest hand on the set, Cassidy was also perfect for the part of Thing. Lurch and Thing were seldom on screen together. On the rare occasion that they were, Thing was played by a double.”

But who was the double?

THE FRENCH WILL FILE AN OFFICIAL PROTEST: Why are the English so special when it comes to sinning? That’s the question posed by Mary Barton, Fred Mallgrave and Carol Kirshner, who spotted an unusual apartment ad in a Pasadena newspaper (see excerpt). Must be quite a place. If you don’t feel comfortable in the sinning room, the place offers a chauffeur for privacy.

DUELING SALES: Uri Hirsch of L.A. found a store that can’t seem to make up its mind whether it’s going into, or out of, business (see photo).

OTHERWISE, THE PLOT IS QUITE FAST-PACED: Bill and Mary Hawk of Pasadena sent along a program from a play that would seem to allow spectators several months to relax between acts (see excerpt).

SCOOPING ARMY ARCHERD: The awards show that Hollywood--and the world--is waiting for arrives March 22. I, of course, mean the Golden Raspberry Awards--better known as the Razzies--dishonoring the most inept performances of the year. Not to spoil the fun, but my sources tell me these are the favorites (odds after parentheses):

* Worst actor: Kevin Costner (“The Postman”), 2-1; Steven Seagal (“Fire Down Below”), 5-2.

* Worst actress: Heather Locklear (“Money Talks”), 3-2; Fran Drescher (“Beautician & the Beast”), 2-1.

* Worst supporting actor: Dennis Rodman (“Double Team”), 2-1; Timothy Dalton (“Beautician & the Beast”), 7-2.

* Worst supporting actress: Alicia Silverstone (“Batman & Robin”), 5-2; Jennifer Lopez (“Anaconda “ or “U-Turn”), 3-1.

* Worst screen couple: Dennis Rodman and Jean Claude van Damme (“Double Team)”), 3-1; Steven Seagal and His Guitar (“Fire Down Below”), 4-1.

* Worst new star: Dennis Rodman (“Double Team”), 5-2; The Animatronic Anaconda (“Anaconda”), 3-1.

Some of them could take acting lessons from Thing.

miscelLAny:

There’s one more example of L.A.’s multiculturalism. After a Latino judge sentenced Korean American Rep. Jay Kim to home detention for taking illegal campaign contributions from a Taiwanese national, Kim’s attorney termed the case “a Greek tragedy.”