Punch Lines

Unagroper: After remaining mostly silent, feminists are slowly voicing opposition to President Clinton's alleged sexual escapades. "Patricia Ireland even announced that NOW will be renamed


Unakiller: Jack Kevorkian now claims 100 assisted suicides. "You'd think he would be satisfied, but Kevorkian says he won't stop until he beats 'Titanic.' " (Conan O'Brien)

Forget-Me-Nots: A University of Florida study says women have better memories than men. "Or was it that men have better memories than women?" (Rudolph J. Cecera)

Sinking Feeling: "Titanic" will be shown in China next month. "But the film is being reworked slightly for Chinese audiences: Instead of hitting an iceberg, the ship is sunk by a single karate chop from Jackie Chan." (Bill Williams)

Campaign Update: Al Gore has quietly begun his 2000 presidential race with a plan to seek Latino votes through TV ads. "His brain trust spent all day Saturday trying to train the Taco Bell Chihuahua to say, 'Yo Quiero Al Gore.' " (Argus Hamilton)

Pothead: "I tried some of that new hemp shampoo. Now my hair is not only clean and soft, but has a street value of $1.2 million." (Gary Moore)

Rodan vs. Ross: Scientists have found new fossil evidence supporting a theory that birds evolved from dinosaurs. "Archeologists in Texas also found a pot of gold buried near Ross Perot's house, bolstering their theory that he evolved from leprechauns." (Sostrin)

Human Xeroxing: Twenty-five states are currently considering anticloning legislation. "The bills are easy to follow. They're all identical." (Jerry Perisho)

R.I.P.: The inventor of the La-Z-Boy recliner died this week at 90. "Friends had planned a huge service in his honor, but they just couldn't get off their butts to go." (Jay Leno)

Snake Snack: A boa constrictor that ate a neighbor's dog was reunited with its owner. "But apparently the reptile hasn't been rehabilitated. Its first words were, 'Yo quiero Chihuahua.' " (Joseph A. Monfiletto)

Hit Me, I'm Irish: "St. Patrick's Day in Dublin was a disaster this year. Town officials made an ill-fated decision to turn all of the city's traffic lights green for the day." (Tom Boozan)


SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.

Copyright © 2019, Los Angeles Times
EDITION: California | U.S. & World