Viagra? What About Workaholics?

‘A gun pointed directly at every man who works an 18-hour day.”

“A bald violation of every man’s God-given right to say ‘Not tonight, dear.’ ”

As these angry quotes attest, Viagra may not be an unmixed blessing for mankind, No sooner had the long-sought scientific cure for male impotence been placed on sale in America than a vocal and active opposition has arisen to protest the little blue pill’s potentially revolutionary social effects.

Leading the anti-Viagra forces is a coalition of prominent males primarily drawn from the ranks of corporate CEO’s and senior vice presidents, lawyers, investment bankers and admen. Rallying under the banner of W.A.V.E--Workaholics Against Viagra’s Effects--the group is seeking to have a Viagra banned as un-American or, failing that, to force immediate development and availability to an anti-Viagra, virility-reducing counter-drug.

“An entire lifestyle is being threatened,” attests a New York arbitrageur. “Viagra’s going to have wives demanding to draw busy, driven men into the nightmare world of intimacy. I’ve already heard of a guy whose wife slipped Viagra into his Mylanta; he missed five important business calls and the CNN business highlights as a result!”

Forecasting the end of separate beds for husbands and wives, the advent of quiet candle-lit dinners for two at the expense of late-night cigar bar bull sessions and the specter of wives being invited along on business trips, WAVE members are denouncing Viagra as the gravest menace to the workaholic lifestyle since the wedding anniversary.

“Why do you think I bring home a briefcase full of papers every night?” fumes one ardent WAVE-r. “Now, with that blasted Viagra, not even bringing work to bed is going to keep the Better Half at bay!”

“Look at Richard Nixon,” sputters another pro-WAVE zealot. “A beacon of inhibition and deep-seated fears. If Pat had ever got him hooked on Viagra, it would have ruined everything”

Unquestionably, Viagra and its open-sesame on male virility threatens to imperil the workaholic way of life. “And that’s exactly why there’s WAVE,” snaps an angry resister. “It shows we’re not going to take it lying down.”