Punch Lines

Jerry + Jerry: “What if Jerry Seinfeld and Jerry Springer did a series together? Producers say the new show would be one continuous fight about nothing.” (Buzz Report)

Marv + Bill: Twenty-nine species have been removed from the endangered list because they have thrived enough to face nature alone. “That only leaves the spotted owl, Marv Albert’s hair and Bill Clinton still on the list. (Bill Williams)

Charlton + Shotgun: “Now that the bald eagle has been taken off the endangered species list, Charlton Heston was seen working on his bald eagle mating call as he headed into the woods with a shotgun.” (Premiere Radio)

Gambling Man: Country star Kenny Rogers is launching an online casino. “As if eating his chicken didn’t make you enough of a gambler.” (The Daily Scoop)

Here’s the Buzz: State agriculture officials announced that killer bees have reached Nevada. “They discovered two swarms of the aggressive insects in Laughlin. They plan to trap them by setting up a number of ‘sting’ operations.” (Ira Lawson)

Cross Country: Hillary Clinton will crisscross the country on a bus to highlight historic landmarks. “While the first lady is doing that, the president offered to highlight every Hooters restaurant in his limo.” (Buzz Report)

Page Turner: Crown Books is in financial trouble and may file for bankruptcy. “Their new slogan: ‘If you paid full price, we wouldn’t be in debt.’ ” (The Daily Scoop)

The O.J. Workout: O.J. Simpson told reporters that he’s been working out again and he’s in great shape. “Apparently he stalks 20 miles a day.” (Premiere Radio)

Zippity Doo-Dah: “Did you know that the zipper was invented by a man from Chicago, Ill.? Of course, it was perfected by a man from Hope, Ark.” (Jay Leno)

Mad Science: The Unabomber, Ted Kaczynski, has been transferred to the same prison in Colorado as Timothy McVeigh. “Know what we should do? Put these two in the same cell, throw in a chemistry set and let nature take its course.” (Leno)

Potty Train: An 87-year-old Toledo, Ohio, woman was unharmed after finding herself locked in a public bathroom. “Oddly enough, when the firemen finally kicked down the door, the woman yelled, ‘Somebody’s in here!’ ” (Premiere Radio)

* SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.