A Guy Who Will Weed, Refinance
Nina Kraut points out that you know the real estate market is hot when gardeners are advertising that they’ll make loans (see accompanying).
BACHELOR SPECIAL? Suzanne Marlowe of Burbank spotted a listing for a Toluca Lake house that comes complete with the world’s most famous doll (see accompanying). I notice it has three bedrooms. Sounds like there’s room for Ken.
OK, NOW PLAY DEAD: Speaking of bachelors, L.A.’s Downtown News surveyed local bartenders about their customers’ worst
pickup lines and came up with
such gems as:
* “You look just like Cindy Crawford.”
* “You’re the pimento in the olive of life.”
And, bartender Fred Sung of McCormick & Schmick’s related this story: “One night this guy was sitting near an attractive lady. I could see him checking her out. He finally gets up his nerve, leans over and says, ‘Hi. My name is Dog,’ and he actually started barking. After only one drink!”
After Dog was shooed away, Sung bought the young woman a drink.
MALL MILESTONES: Some shopping emporiums that had emotionally intense roles in movies:
* Westside Pavilion: The sanctuary in “Clueless” (1995) where high school socialite Cher can “gather my thoughts and regain my strength”--with the help of her credit cards.
* Beverly Center: Survived a lava flow in “Volcano” (1997) as well as blistering reviews from critics of “Scenes From a Mall” (1990), which starred Woody Allen and Bette Midler. Even more insulting, the latter movie was set in the Beverly Center but actually filmed at the Stamford, Conn., Town Center.
* Sherman Oaks Galleria: Appeared in “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” (1982)--as a mall, not as a high school--and in “Commando” (1985), in which the hero sails through inner space on a rope attached to the mall rafters. It was Arnold Schwarzenegger, Valley Guy.
* Crossroads of the World: The onetime mall, on Sunset Boulevard, where my hero, gossip columnist Danny DeVito, served up his “sinuendo” in “L.A. Confidential” (1997).
* Del Amo Fashion Center: Where naughty stewardess Pam Grier, planning some laundering (and not of clothes) in “Jackie Brown” (1997), tells an associate, “Now the money’s going to be in the Del Amo shopping bag at this booth. Sit down here in the food court.” (Brings a tear to my eye every time I watch that scene. . . .)
IT’S THEIR FAULT: Physics professor Steven Barnes points out that my list of unknown college names is incomplete since it lacks Cal State San Andreas Fault (a.k.a. Cal State San Bernardino, where he teaches).
“The fault passes just a few hundred yards behind the Physical Sciences Building,” Barnes wrote, “and is a popular destination for geology students and newcomers to the area.” He added that visitors often expect “a cartoonish gaping maw and are disappointed to find tectonics to be so unspectacular.”
Myself, I would not be at all disappointed to live through several more decades of unspectacular tectonics.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT: In the annual event anticipated by gourmets everywhere, R.L. Mikesell of Van Nuys took first place in the L.A. County Fair Spam recipe contest.
His concoction: Spamigo Green Chili Stew. Chris Howes of Pasadena finished second with his Hearty Deviled Spam Souffle and Dan Fitzgerald of Rancho Cucamonga captured third with Spicy Spam Thai Salad. The four judges were said to be resting comfortably.
miscelLAny:
The Los Alamitos News-Enterprise’s police log contained the following entry: “A man slumped over the wheel of a vehicle was waiting to buy concert tickets.” Give this man a whiff of Spamigo Green Chili Stew.
*
Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.
