A Way to Make Your Weight Nose-Dive?

Talk about your weird weight reduction theories. The newsletter of the Beverly Hills-based Reef Seekers Dive Co. reports that you can lose weight in a hyperbaric chamber, the device used to treat divers suffering from decompression sickness (“the bends”).

“As the pressure increases in the chamber, the fat is squeezed out of your cells, and goes through the normal waste process of your body,” said the scuba equipment company’s newsletter.

One study showed that a user of the chamber could “lose as much as 5 to 10 pounds per chamber treatment.” One woman who had lost weight in the chamber was quoted as saying that “it beats the hell out of listening to those oldies that [TV’s] Richard Simmons keeps pushing.”

You might be unaware of this breakthrough because this column was just given an advance look at the April 1 edition of the newsletter.

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A TAXING OBLIGATION: Elsa Neilsen of Ojai and Kelli Wiltse of Lake Arrowhead contributed snapshots to remind readers that it’s income tax time (see photos). Neilsen found an accountant who apparently can predict how many corners you can cut without being audited. And Wiltse spotted just the mall to patronize when the government is taking you to the cleaners or killing your business.

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PURSUING A BARGAIN: Remember Critters, the Hermosa Beach bar that advertised drinks at happy hour prices during televised car chases? Sad to report that owner Mike Bringhurst died recently. The establishment, however, has been purchased by a former employee, Tom Amorosi, who plans to reopen it as the Northend Bar & Grill next month.

Oh yes, Amorosi said the unique discount will be retained. “The place really used to get packed when there’d be a chase,” said Amorosi. “I remember once when there were two chases going at once and people were saying, ‘The drinks should be free!’ I told them, ‘We can’t go that far, guys.’ ”

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SPEAKING OF CRITTERS: The Clippers will leave their home in the Sports Arena next year to play in the new Staples Center, but don’t think the old facility will be devoid of tenants. After a game against the Clippers there Tuesday night, Houston’s Charles Barkley told Fox Sports West reporter Randy Sparage that he had seen rats “bigger than cats” inside the building.

Was it an April Fool’s Joke (like the decompression chamber item above)? Or was Barkley using a bit of poetic license. After all, he is an author. He has written an autobiography, which you might remember. The book apparently took some poetic license. In fact, Barkley later claimed that his autobiography had misquoted him.

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HARD TO KEEP A POKER FACE AT THAT SPEED: Reed Berry and Kenny Morse, the hosts of the “Traffic Jam” show on KRLA-AM (1110), also teach at a comedy traffic school. Berry was saying the other night that one of his most memorable students was a woman who was clocked at more than 90 mph on a freeway.

While playing cards with a passenger.

“The cards were spread out on the dashboard,” Berry added.

Morse asked: “If they’d been playing gin, would she have been arrested for drunk driving?”

miscelLAny:

A caller who described herself as a big fan left a message on my machine saying I should give her really talented granddaughter an audition. My first reaction was that she mistakenly thought I was Steve Harvey, the television comic. Then, again, why be negative? Maybe I should have an audition. Maybe the kid can come up with some good dueling signs, funny menu items and memorable “Duh” warnings.

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Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.