LAUGH LINES

Ready, Aim . . .: During his radio address, President Clinton discussed Kosovo and said, “No target is off-limits.” “And I thought to myself, ‘Well, that explains Paula Jones.’ ” (David Letterman)

Baseball’s Back: On opening day, Mark McGwire hit a home run. “If Cher can hit No. 1 again, he can hit 70 again.” (Daily Scoop)

*

The Essential David Letterman

Top historical inaccuracies in Peter Jennings’ “The Century”:

9. Dogs were not “invented in 1963.”

8. Before invention of the airplane, people did not “fly around by flapping their arms.”

7. Eleanor Roosevelt never competed in a wet T-shirt contest.

6. World War I did not start because Fabio was hit in the face by a goose.

5. Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were not the neighbors on “I Love Lucy.”

4. Lyndon Johnson known as “LBJ” not “LL Cool J.”

3. Turning point of World War II not “that part where Tom Hanks finds Matt Damon.”

2. Neil Armstrong’s first words on the moon were not “Pretty fly for a white guy.”

1. Person of the Century probably not “Peter Jennings.”

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.