LAUGH LINES

I, Spy: The suspected Chinese spy at the Los Alamos National Laboratory reportedly may be arrested within days. “Security officers at Los Alamos first began to suspect he was distributing computer files after an undercover agent was able to purchase one-quarter of the U.S. arsenal on e-Bay.” (Jon Stewart)

Happy Birthday: Saddam Hussein turned 62 this week. “I understand in lieu of presents the family has requested that America be set on fire and destroyed.” (Jay Leno)

Coming to a Store Near You: High-tech toys tied to the new “Star Wars” movie will hit shelves soon. “The toys can talk and are interactive, so they can be easily distinguished from ‘Star Wars’ fans.” (Conan O’Brien)

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The Essential

David Letterman

“Star Wars” fan euphemisms for not having a girlfriend:

10. Camping alone outside the theater.

9. My force is no longer with me.

8. The Death Star is not yet operational.

7. The Empire’s striking out.

2. Spending the night with Han Solo.

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