LAUGH LINES
On the Campaign Trail: Ohio Democrats are trying to talk Jerry Springer into running for the U.S. Senate next year. “How fitting: Ohio had a senator who’s been to space. Now they want one who has sunk to the lowest depths.” (Daily Scoop)
Business Beat: Kmart now has its own credit card. “It has a new slogan too: Don’t leave your mobile home without it.” (Jay Leno)
Happy Birthday: Sally Struthers has turned 51. “And you know the sad part? Not one of the 8,000 children she’s feeding bothered to pick up the phone and call.” (Steve Voldseth)
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The Essential David Letterman
Heard outside a Limp Bizkit concert:
10. “I thought the Bizkit was limper than usual.”
9. “They’re much limper live than they are on record.”
6. “In my day, we were so poor we went to see an ordinary Bizkit and just pretend it was limp.”
5. “Man do I feel dumb, I came here for Mint Bisquick.”
4. “Didn’t they used to be Hootie and the Bizkits?”
3. “Isn’t that David Lee Roth selling soda?”
1. “I once saw them on a bill with Cake and Cracker.”
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Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.
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