LAUGH LINES

But It’s a Dry Drought: The Midwest continues to suffer under parched conditions. “In fact, it’s so dry, while Al Gore was campaigning in Iowa, the hair on his head turned brown and fell off.” (Steve Voldseth)

Let’s All Go to the Movies: Last weekend, box office receipts broke the record for most money collected in a weekend. “Three reasons: ‘Blair Witch Project,’ ‘Runaway Bride’ and air conditioning!” (Daily Scoop)

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The Essential

David Letterman

Signs the 107-year-old twins are starting to get on each other’s nerves:

9. One used cigarette lighter to heat up handles on other’s walker.

8. When one falls asleep, the other puts a tag on her toe and calls the coroner.

7. “Willard Scott likes me better.” “No he likes me better. . . .”

6. One sold the other’s teeth on E-bay.

4. Endless argument over which Wright brother was cuter.

3. Each claims to have “forgotten” the other’s birthday.

2. One barks at the other, “Stop acting like a 103-year-old!”

1. They haven’t spoken for 98 years.

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