LAUGH LINES

Trying Times: Linda Tripp was indicted on charges stemming from secretly recording conversations with Monica Lewinsky on the phone. “The phone is, once again, your friend.” (Johnny Robish)

On the Campaign Trail: Critics are accusing Steve Forbes of trying to buy the presidential nomination with his fortune. “And it worked so well the last time.” (Gary Easley)

*

The Essential

David Letterman

Things that will get you grounded in the Gotti household:

10. Borrowing the good car and leaving Dad the one that explodes.

9. Throwing body in trunk without first putting down slipcovers.

8. Forgetting to set the VCR on “Sopranos” night.

7. Using drugs supplied by another family.

6. Last night, you said the F-word three times, which is not nearly enough.

5. Eating at the Olive Garden.

4. Getting a fake ID that reads you’re already “made.”

3. Saying “Forget about it” instead of “Fuggedaboutit.”

2. Forgetting to mow Dad’s chest.

1. Parents finding an FBI application under your mattress.

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