LAUGH LINES

Wandering Away From the Campaign Trail: The Southern Party held its first rally as it pushes for a separate Southern nation. “Like they say, if at first rally you don’t secede, try, try again.” (Daily Scoop)

Go Figure: The New Jersey Supreme Court ruled that the Boy Scouts cannot exclude gays. “I’m not taking sides in this, but please--any group that goes around in little shorts and red scarves . . . are they really in a position to question somebody else’s lifestyle?” (Jay Leno)

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The Essential

David Letterman

Questions on the Russian prime minister application:

10. Are you or have you ever been a member of the Democratic Party?

9. Is it OK if you don’t get your salary for a few years?

8. Who currently seems more lifelike, Boris Yeltsin or the mummified corpse of Lenin?

6. What do you plan on doing after Boris cans your butt in two weeks?

5. Name all 200 former Soviet republics that end in “-stan.”

4. If you’re so qualified, why haven’t you already defected to the U.S.?

3. Are you skilled at computers? If so, why do you think that would matter here?

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