Etiquette Coaches Help Corporate America Mind Its Manners

Some say etiquette has gone the way of the dinosaur with the end of what might have been called the “Nice Age.” In fact, a recent study indicated that the majority of those surveyed said rudeness at work has worsened in the last 10 years.

But as with most things trendy, what’s old is new again. And a number of people are trying to restore a bit of gentility to American culture.

With modern society’s push to be in your face, get it all over the place, dress down and tell it all, there’s no dearth of potential clients for etiquette coaches.

“Awareness of etiquette is making a comeback, especially in Silicon Valley,” says Naomi Torre Poulson, who runs the Etiquette School of Palo Alto. “Those who are technologically astute are becoming more aware” in social situations, as techies move out of the garage or leave their cubicles to make million-dollar deals with domestic and foreign investors.

With more emphasis on nurturing a global economy, she says, companies are finding that their employees need to know how to address people properly and how to comport themselves.

“We [Americans] are the most culturally diverse, and we are probably the most uninformed about cultural” differences, says Dorothea Johnson, who founded the Protocol School of Washington in 1974.

“I think it has to do with corporate culture,” Poulson says. In most companies, people “work among themselves and don’t really interact” much with people outside that realm, she says.

Because people in social settings generally seek one of three comfort zones--someone they know, the bar or the food--Johnson says she teaches her clients to mingle.

“The top management is telling me that people go to social business functions and talk among themselves,” Johnson says.

One of the behaviors Johnson stresses is the initial greeting, from handshake, which should be firm, not bone-crushing or limp, to eye contact to introductions. Other guests should be presented to the most important person in the room--often the client in business settings--rather than presenting that person, Poulson and Johnson say.

Johnson--who insists her granddaughter, actress Liv Tyler, “knows how to shake hands properly”--has been polishing others’ politesse for 40 years, starting by offering protocol and etiquette lessons to other military wives in the D.C. area.

These days, her program, which trains about 210 people a year and which can command as much as $1,000 for an extensive course, targets both children and adults. Her McLean, Va., school also trains independent consultants.

You can’t just look the part, like in the ‘80s when people “dressed for success and [were] colored beautifully,” Johnson says. But few people even look the part these days, Poulson says.

Specifically, Poulson thinks dress-down days in the workplace are a mistake because many people are confusing casual with sloppy. “People behave the way they dress,” Poulson says.

Californians, especially, seem to follow the “anything goes” mantra, says Jeff Lougee, who teaches dining skills to clients of Sodexho Marriott.

In addition to attire, handshakes and other nonverbal self-references, meals often play an important role in deal-making--and breaking. While you might not lose a million-dollar account over using the wrong bread plate, table manners could affect how others view you, say the three coaches. (By the way, the bread plate is always on the left, stemware on the right.)

“I’ve seen [executives who make] $200,000 and $300,000 spearing their meat like it’s a wild beast,” Johnson says.

And outside of the business arena, people seem to dine out at least as often as they eat at home, Lougee says. “When I was a kid, staying at home was commonplace and going out was a special occasion.” With second- and third-generation non-cooks, he says, few children are learning how to behave in a public dining setting.

Johnson attributes this void to the fact since the majority of people born since the 1970s are part of what she calls the “McManners generation”: Most have never been taught the protocol traditions that were a part of the ‘40s and ‘50s.

So in their programs, these coaches offer a hands-on approach to disciplined dining and mingling, dinner party style.

Like Johnson, Lougee opens his one-day seminar by saying: “We’re not here for a class; we’re here for a party. I’ll be your host tonight.”

Lougee is an area general manager in corporate services for Sodexho Marriott Services, which provides outsourced food and facilities management services. He’s based at Amgen in Thousand Oaks. While admittedly not an etiquette professional, he offers as many as 30 sessions a year at the request of his company’s clients. Some of his students have included college students, the entire UC Board of Regents, fraternities and sororities.

Daily life, the teachers say, provides ample examples for their classes: a cell phone addict gabbing at the next table; a guest at a dinner party who snags the wrong bread plate, creating a domino effect.

Neither teaching nor learning proper etiquette must mean being uptight, says Lougee, who considers himself a surfer at heart. For him, it’s all about comfort.

“True etiquette is one predicated on the environment you’re in. . . . It isn’t just what fork to use and what wine to order,” he says. “It’s really about being comfortable with yourself and making others feel comfortable.”