Nebraska Ho!

The scene is the President’s rented vacation getaway on Martha’s Vineyard, after a round of golf and before the next fund-raiser. An aide enters.

Aide: This is terrible, sir. Since you took office you have visited 57 other nations and 49 of the 50 states in the Union. For some reason we’ve missed Nebraska and the Omaha newspaper has taken up the cause. I guess they don’t have anything else to put in the paper in August.

The President: Nebraska! Darn. How could we have done that? I’m sure we’ve flown over it during all those trips to California. Don’t they ever have any huge disasters? I could go and offer help and express my sympathy.

Aide: The only disaster is when their football team loses, sir.

The President: Well, I won’t spill any tears over that unless they lost to the Razorbacks. Any chance of that?

Aide: Not likely. The Nebraska athletic department says the last time they played was in the 1964 Cotton Bowl, though Arkansas did win that one 10-7.

The President: Well, that’s something. How are the people there taking this?

Aide: A lot of them are pretty disappointed that you’ve overlooked them. On the other hand, Nebraska hasn’t treated you too well, Mr. President. You lost the state to Dole 54% to 35% in ’96. Their Republican chairman likes the idea that Nebraska is Clinton-free, as he put it. He says it will be a nice little footnote in history for Nebraska.

The President: Hah! No way. Call Al. Call Hillary. Call the travel office. Get Air Force One ready. Hmmmm, how long do we have to actually stay there, d’you suppose?