Detective With a Lizard’s Charm

Welcome to Los Angelesaurus.

L.A.’s latest literary private eye is a handsome 20th century dinosaur who appears in public in “human drag” in Eric Garcia’s “Anonymous Rex.”

It seems that dinosaurs faked their extinction 65 million years ago and now roam Earth--and drive the freeways--in disguise.

In the case of Vincent Rubio, a velociraptor, the novel gives new meaning to the concept of a detective “putting a tail” on someone.

The creatures meet their own kind in secret Jurassic joints such as the Tar Pit Club on La Brea Boulevard and the Evolution Club on Ventura Boulevard.

In the tradition of detectives, Rubio encounters some beautiful females. “Nice egg sac, thin forelegs, rounded beak,” he says, peering into the window of one lady dino.

So how do the dinosaurs avoid detection? They wear latex costumes that enable them to blend in with humans. Except on Hollywood Boulevard, where such costumes are, of course, unnecessary.

FREEWAY OBSTACLE DU JOUR: The dumping of dozens of rolls of toilet paper this week caused a slowdown on the I-5 near downtown. First time I ever heard of anyone t.p.’ing a freeway.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT: The Times’ Boris Yaro wondered if these two signs in Van Nuys pertain to the same business (see photo).

Why?

“Well, a psychic is a medium, right?” Yaro pointed out.

I had to ask.

A HOW-TO CLASS FOR ROAD RAGE? Rose Uber of Torrance was amused to see that the calendar for a seniors center listed a class dealing with bad language in automobiles (see accompanying). You probably guessed it was supposed to say “cruising,” even if you aren’t a psychic.

ONE LOOK IS ENOUGH: Linda Jones of Northridge noticed that a company charges $39.95 to “Summarize Your Car” (see accompanying). I don’t need someone to tell me I’ve got a green Honda filled with newspapers and maybe a couple of pizza boxes.

THEY DIDN’T ROAST ARNOLD: Some show-biz tales exposed as myths in “Alligators in the Sewer and 222 Other Urban Legends” by Thomas Craughwell:

* Fred Rogers of TV’s “Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood” was a sniper in Vietnam.

* On one of Michael Jackson’s albums, “the first seven digits of the product number in the bar code” were rumored to be his phone number. (It turned out to be that of a hair salon in Bellevue, Wash.)

* A major star (Burt Reynolds in one version) “won a massive judgment against AT&T;” that included “unlimited phone calls.” Appearing on the Johnny Carson show, he read off his calling card number and invited fans “to reach out and touch someone at AT&T;’s expense.”

* Jerry “the Beaver” Mathers of the “Leave It to Beaver” TV show “was killed in Vietnam.”

* After the final episode of TV’s “Green Acres,” the cast “threw a farewell dinner in which the show’s pig, Arnold Ziffel, was the main course.”

miscelLAny:

In the book “Millennium Mania,” author Stephen Fowler writes that “in 1912, Americans flocked to theaters to see a silent movie called ‘In the Year 2000.’ What audiences were so excited about, no one knows. The film has vanished.”

Did L.A. have pro football?

Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.