A Legal Issue Full of Lawyer Jokes

In its 1999 “Legal Follies” review, California Lawyer magazine mentions an Internet bulletin board visited by more than 50 attorneys a day “to share salary information and trade complaints.”

Name of the bulletin board: L.A. Greedy Associates.

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MORE FOLLIES: In its year-end review, California Lawyer also salutes these cases:

* A failing law student sued Western State University College of Law in Fullerton, claiming she was not adequately warned that she might flunk out. The magazine quoted her lawyer as saying, “The school was aware that people with LSAT scores like hers tend to have a minimal chance of becoming lawyers.”

* Leaders of the Little Country Church of Hollywood claimed unsuccessfully that they could not be evicted by the property owner because their late minister gave them a license to use the facility “until Jesus comes again.”

* An L.A. court held that an author could not be sued for libel for describing a lawyer as a “Kmart Johnny Cochran” and a “creepazoid attorney” while never mentioning his name.

In case you’re wondering, neither Kmart nor Cochran took action against the author.

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L.A. INSULT(S) OF THE DAY: Carol Martinez saw a reference to L.A. in an Alaskan newspaper’s caption, though the photo appeared to show the city where little cable cars climb halfway to the stars. What’s it called? Oh, yes, San Francisco. And Tom Bratter saw a reference to Chicago in a Georgia Tech publication’s caption, though the photo appeared to show L.A., that toddlin’ town (see photos). You might be able to make out the (since-removed) ugly I logo on the crown of the former First Interstate Tower (now the Library Tower).

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FIGHT ON FOR . . . WHOM? The former names of some educational institutions (with their current names in parentheses):

* Los Angeles-Orange County State College (Cal State Long Beach)

* Southern Branch--University of California (UCLA)

* St. Vincent’s College (Loyola Marymount University)

* Throop University (Caltech).

* Claremont Men’s College (Claremont McKenna College).

* Cal State Los Angeles, San Fernando Valley Branch (Cal State Northridge).

* Orange County State College (Cal State Fullerton).

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ANNALS OF CELEBRITY MARRIAGES: You may recall that when James and Barbra Brolin were married in Malibu last year, the bride had loudspeakers play heavy metal music in an attempt to drive away the uninvited media.

Then there was the Madonna-Sean Penn marriage in 1985, when someone in the wedding party scrawled an obscene message in 6-foot-high letters on a nearby beach to make overhead camera coverage unusable.

Media types were not always considered such creepazoids. Retired Times writer Dick Turpin showed me a 1951 article he wrote about the marriage of another singing star, Doris Day, to agent Marty Melcher.

Turpin was not shooed away from the Burbank branch of the county clerk’s office that day. Far from it. The wedding party was short one person. And, so, as Turpin’s story said, the marriage was performed “by Justice of the Peace Leonard W. Hamner, with Dick Turpin, Times reporter, pressed into service as a witness.”

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In its “Follies” issue, California Lawyer also picked up this column’s item about the fund-raising letter that President Clinton’s backers sent Dr. Bernard Lewinsky, Monica’s father. Lewinsky wrote back, “You must be morons to send me this letter.”