LAUGH LINES

Sing Out, Louise: The Orange County school board nixed the establishment of a gay-straight club at El Modena High School. “They pointed out that students already have an opportunity to express their orientation by reading from traditional plays or singing show tunes.” (Gary Easely)

Give and Take: “President Clinton presented Sean Connery with the Kennedy Center Honor for Lifetime Cultural Achievement on Sunday. He’s famous for his thrilling escapades and numerous lovers. Connery’s had an interesting career too.” (Argus Hamilton).

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The Essential

David Letterman

Top Donald Trump

Campaign Slogans

10. “He’ll Make Our National Defense as Impenetrable as His Hair.”

5. “He’ll Buy Iraq and Turn It Into a Highly Profitable Parking Lot.”

4. “Friend of the Working Man, and Even Better Friend of the Working Girl.”

3. “You’ve Placed Losing Bets at His Casinos--Now Place a Losing Bet on His Candidacy.”

2. “Finally a President Who Knows When to Get Out of a Bad Marriage.”

1. “Because He Really Needs to Boost His Self-Esteem.”

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