Maybe It’s Best to Leave Drivers Alone

Bill Thompson of Green Valley Lake swears it happened: “While driving late on the 405, I was passed by a van towing a small children’s carousel, doing about 80 mph. The rig was whipping back and forth, very close to jackknifing. I decided to catch up with the van and try to alert this clown to the danger. As I carefully pulled alongside and was about to tap the horn, the driver looked my way with a huge smile and a crazy wave. He wore a huge orange wig, a giant yellow bow tie, oversize white gloves, and a huge painted-on-smile.”

Thompson’s message: Think twice about endangering your own life to let a clown know he’s acting like a clown.

FORGET ABOUT PRIMARIES, POLLS, ETC.: Ken Rogers suspects that the outcome of the 2000 presidential election has been foretold by the. . .

Rose Queen selection results.

Especially if you assume, as I and many other respected pundits do, that the November election will pit the Republicans’ George W. Bush against the Democrats’ Warren Beatty (star of “Bugsy”).

Anyway, Rogers points out that in the 2000 Rose Queen competition, Bush edged out Beattie--Sophia Bush was selected over Lauren Beattie and several other princesses.

ONE-STOP SHOPPING: Gerald Hitsman found a chiropractor in the San Fernando Valley who knew just where to set up business (see photo).

ON THE ROAD: In Las Vegas, Nina Murphy of Redondo Beach was in line to take the elevator 50 stories to the top of the new Eiffel Tower attraction when she noticed that her admission ticket prohibited “unauthorized weddings.”

She asked why, and an attendant explained that often a couple will get in line and say, “We’re getting married. Can all 40 of the wedding party go up with us now?”

Not to mention the Elvis-imitating minister.

NEW SPORTS EVENT? A lot of retirees spend great portions of their time swinging a golf club. It was only a matter of time before the authorities tried to get them to do something constructive with the clubs. Moss Warren found one such suggestion on a men’s room towel dispenser at Leisure World in Laguna Hills. (see accompanying).

ANIMAL HOUSE: With all its problems, you might wonder if the L.A. Unified School District is going to the dogs. Not at all.

As an interoffice note from Operations & Support Services at district headquarters pointed out:

“It has come to my attention that the stray cats that roam around the back of the Hill Street Building are being fed. This has made it difficult to trap the cats for relocation. The presence of stray animals poses a health threat. . . . It is inappropriate to feed these animals, and if this continues, appropriate discipline will be imposed on the individual[s] leaving the cans of food and water.”

Or give them school cafeteria food. That’ll drive them away.

miscelLAny:

It was suggested here that if an international airport is opened in El Toro, it should be called Dumbo International--because the cartoon character has star appeal and aviation experience. But Dan Mayer phoned to say “a much more natural name would be El Torito Airport. And they could get some money for a corporate sponsorship.”

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.