LAUGH LINES
All in the Family: The Republican presidential candidates bragged about their family values while debating last week. “Believe me, no one in Hollywood underestimates the value of family. Jerry Springer can tell anybody that the value of a sister-brother romance is worth 10 points in the Nielsen ratings.” (Argus Hamilton)
The Tell-Tale Sign: Michael Jackson said in an interview that he doesn’t understand why the press is always pointing out his plastic surgery because everyone in Hollywood has had plastic surgery. “Perhaps it’s because he’s the only one who goes around wearing a surgical mask.” (Andrew Wisot)
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Chris Pina
What May Have Happened to the Mars Polar Lander
* Won’t respond until it’s called by its new name, “Vehicle Formerly Known as Deep Probe II.”
* Landed on Wicked Witch of the West.
* Mistakenly docked up with Heaven’s Gate comet.
* A bird hit its windshield.
* Quickly fell into Brando’s orbit.
* Communication overloaded by Rev. Gene Scott reruns.
* New play toy for 11-foot, big-headed Martian brat.
* Eloped with C-3PO.
* Two words: Radio Shack.
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