LAUGH LINES
Unlucky No. 13: “Musician Ike Turner’s 13th wife has walked out on him. . . . I guess she came home early one night and caught him punching out another woman.” (Jay Leno)
A Real Toss-Up: “You know the difference between Al Gore and Bill Bradley? Neither do I.” (Leno)
Sidewalks of New York: “I saw a wonderful, very cute holiday scene here in New York City. Earlier today, I saw a couple of rats . . . waiting in line to see ‘Stuart Little.’ ” (David Letterman)
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The Essential David Letterman
Top Things a Department Store Santa Doesn’t Want to Hear From a Kid
10. “Are you really jolly or is it the Prozac?”
9. “I can see what you had for lunch in your beard.”
8. “My mommy says that you’re my real daddy.”
7. “Red is not your color, fat man.”
5. “All I want for Christmas is some gamblin’ money.”
4. “The lady over there said you’re drunk.”
3. “What’s your policy on giving cigarettes to kids?”
2. “I’m Jewish. What are you gonna do about it?”
1. “If I see one Teletubby--I’m coming after you.”
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Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.
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