He Could Rob, but He Couldn’t Write

In an L.A.-based legal magazine, columnist Charles Sevilla ran an excerpt of the testimony of a bank robbery suspect who was disappointed by the small amount he netted. The suspect said his partner later told him that the holdup note “was messed up and instead of asking for hundreds and fifties, they asked for ones and fifties.”

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MAYBE HE WAS SAYING, “WE’RE NO. 1”: Sevilla, whose “Great Moments in Courtroom History” column appears in the magazine of the California Attorneys for Criminal Justice, also recounted the following testimony from another case:

Q: Do you recognize the driver of that vehicle in court?

A: Yes, I do.

Q: Could you point and identify where he’s sitting and something he’s wearing?

A: The defendant is sitting right there waving his middle finger at me in a blue smock.

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BUT IS IT METERED? Newsweek published “Front Page, 2034,” a futuristic look at the news devised by the Onion, a weekly satirical Web site. And L.A. was given a salute, of sorts (see accompanying).

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COMING TO THE DEFENSE OF CORONA: Dr. Stuart Halperin noticed a flier from a paint company that guaranteed “costume” satisfaction. The flier added, “We are base in Corona” (see accompanying).

Base as in “ignoble” or “contemptible”? Of course not.

And, added Halperin, a resident of that fine city, “some of us have very nice costumes.”

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THE SOUNDS OF SILENCE: The other night, a colleague spotted a young man who was strumming an electric guitar on a sidewalk in Silver Lake--an electric guitar that had no cord.

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RETURN OF THE SKID ROW SANTA: I was happy to hear from managing director Clancy Imislund of the Midnight Mission that the anonymous donor known as the Eldorado Elf made his annual appearance to L.A.’s skid row. Arriving by Cadillac, as usual, the businessman handed out $12,000 in $10 bills to the homeless. Imislund quipped that Santa brought joy to everyone “except the Midnight Mission’s managing director, who could not get his old clothes on in time to get his $10.”

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WHAT WAS THE NAME AGAIN? Mysteries still unsolved as the 1900s draw to a close:

* Orange County Nursery is based in Santa Fe Springs.

* Hollywood Park is in Inglewood.

* Westwood One Radio Networks is in Culver City.

* The Whittier Law School is in Costa Mesa. (Bet you can guess the small city where it used to be located, right? Yup, Los Angeles.)

* Beverly Hills Transfer & Storage is in Gardena.

* Hawaii Theater is in the city of Industry.

* Brooklyn Bagel Company is in L.A.

* Pomona College is in Claremont.

* The Bellflower Neon Sign Co. is in Artesia. And its sign off the 91 Freeway is not neon.

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WHILE WE’RE AT IT: Jerry Martz wonders which side of the Atlantic a certain salad originates from (see accompanying).

miscelLAny:

The newsletter for the First Presbyterian Church of North Hollywood reported that this sign appeared in the church parking lot:

7TH HEAVEN

NO PANTS

CREW PARKING

Nothing base was happening, though. Turns out “7th Heaven” is the name of a television show and No Pants is a production company, editor Gil Chesterton wrote in his column, “Only at First Pres.” (I like the name.)