LAUGH LINES

The Downside: For Valentine’s Day, a company is selling chocolate body paint. “Don’t people have to worry about getting enough things from sex already? Now you gotta worry about zits too?” (Jay Leno)

The Bright Side: Atlanta Falcon Eugene Robinson allegedly offered an undercover cop $40 for sex. “When Hugh Grant was arrested, he allegedly offered the prostitute $60. The cop was $20 less. Who says government can’t do some things cheaper.” (Leno)

Yikes: In the works is a Viagra cologne. “Guys, be careful how you use this stuff. Splash too much on your chin and you wind up looking like Jay Leno.” (Steve Voldseth)

Play It Safe: Scientists have concluded that the AIDS virus originated in chimps. “So please, if you’re sleeping with primates, wear a condom.” (Daily Scoop)

Need a Lift?: In an interview, Kate Winslet says that whenever she gets depressed, she thinks of her love scene with Leonardo DiCaprio in “Titanic.” “Meanwhile, Leonardo DiCaprio says that whenever he gets depressed, he just has sex with a supermodel.” (Conan O’Brien)

Smell That?: Former Sex Pistol Johnny Rotten will host a VH1 program this summer called “Rotten Television.” “That’s strange, I thought we already had that on the air. Only they call it the ‘Jerry Springer Show.’ ” (Jerry Perisho)

TV Troubles: “Melrose Place” is going off the air after this season. “It couldn’t compete with the White House.” (Leno)

SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.