It’s Not as if the Rat Even Wanted to Be There

Officers were skeptical when a Paramount man explained why he had lost control of his new car and driven it into a utility pole. It was his new rat’s fault.

The driver said he was returning from a pet shop with the critter, which was to be fed to his pet snake. The rat, possibly sensing that something wasn’t kosher, allegedly “escaped from its container, ran up the seat, and across the man’s shoulders,” according to an account in the city’s newsletter. The driver “freaked out.”

Officers’ suspicions vanished when they spotted the rat near the glove compartment. The rodent was turned over to animal control authorities. As usual in these situations, no one bothered to consider what was best for the snake.

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L.A. DESERVES ITS OWN SHOW: No offense to Dick Clark, but, as an Angeleno, I’m tired of ushering in the new year by watching a 3-hour-old rerun of the big ball falling in New York’s Times Square. Why can’t the city of L.A. have its own ceremony?

In the movie “Mighty Joe Young,” the big ape jumps off the HOLLYWOOD sign. How about a reprise of that stunt? Or have King Kong parachute off the Capitol Records building? Something that symbolizes L.A.

I’m willing to listen to suggestions, and the best one will be rushed to the mayor’s office so that preparations may begin for next Dec. 31. I will also award the most creative individual an item I recently received from Critters, a Hermosa Beach bar--a T-shirt that says “Happy Hour Prices During Car Chases.” (Hmmm--how about a 60-second mock freeway chase at 11:59? Now that’s L.A.!). Please submit ideas by mail, e-mail or fax only.

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DISNEY’S EASTERN-TIME-ZONE-LAND: Incidentally, a colleague who visited Disneyland on New Year’s Eve reports he saw clocks that were set three hours ahead of time. Why? Apparently so that when Eastern television viewers were treated to a look at the Magic Kingdom, the time would match theirs. How considerate.

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WHEN THE ONLY SCREEN WAS YOUR IMAGINATION . . . : Those who listen to the old-time radio shows now broadcast nightly on KNX-AM (1070) and KLAC-AM (570) may want to take a look at “Raised on Radio,” a new book by Gerald Nachman. It’s full of colorful anecdotes from the pre-Boob Tube era, including these:

* In the original “Lone Ranger,” a veteran British actor named John Todd played Tonto, the masked man’s faithful Indian companion. The elderly Todd had so few lines he “tended to doze off” during the live broadcasts, forcing his partner to improvise.

* The pilot script for one police drama was titled, “Joe Friday, Room 5,” but it was later changed to “Dragnet” (possibly so listeners wouldn’t think it was about a schoolteacher).

* Gracie Allen initially had such stage fright on her radio show with hubby George Burns that “paper was taped over the glass doors of the studio to keep visitors from peering in.”

* On his show, comic Fred Allen once performed a five-minute version of “Les Miserables” in which guest Orson Welles “had all the lines as [hero] Jean Valjean” while Allen’s snoopy Javert was “reduced to knocking on doors and blowing a police whistle.” Oddly enough, I believe I slept through all but about five minutes of the interminable theatrical version of “Les Miz.”

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As your Only in L.A. Gourmet Guide (see accompanying), may I suggest we start off with some leaking soup (spotted by Meg Sargent). Or, for those of you in a hurry, the chef recommends chicken “with grab meat” (submitted by Bob Formella). And then, for an entree, we have “scared” filet (courtesy of Michael Selsman)--sort of what a rat would be for a snake!

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Steve Harvey can be reached by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com, by fax at (213) 237-4712 and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.