Getting a Clue About a Career of Sleuthing

Tired of those easy-money infomercials, where tele-flabbies swear they’ve made zillions just sitting at home in their PJs? We prefer high-protein work--a firm flank that packs heat and handles a Harley. We need work as a PI.

The United States Academy of Private Investigation promises everything we want in a career: intrigue, dazzle and no investment (except a $157 class fee).

The beginner’s course gives a basic overview of surveillance, locates (that means finding people who may want to stay missing), report-writing and “pretext” (getting information from a person without the person knowing he’s divulged it).

“If you’re doing your job properly, you should get all the info you need without anyone knowing you’re a private investigator,” says the firm’s director, J.A. Dresden.

He should know. Dresden works for top corporations, celebs, politicos and just-plain-rich people in L.A., doing overt, covert, high-risk and high-tech investigations. And he rarely carries a gun. “It’s delusional to think PIs drive Ferraris, chase blonds, drink martinis and [pack pistols],” he says. “PIs are business people in the business of gathering facts.”

The more brain instead of brawn you use, the better (and richer) a private eye you’ll be.

United States Academy of Private Investigation: (310) 657-6333.