A Parrot With a Penchant for Style
Polly Want a Lexus?: Here’s the kind of thing that will happen all the time if animal-rights fanatics ever get into power: A Los Angeles couple recently bought $20,000 worth of Stickley furniture for a room belonging to their parrot.
The purchase included two love seats (upholstered to match the bird’s tail feathers), a credenza, a desk, two chairs and a cocktail table--apparently in case the bird wants a martini.
“He does drink, but not to excess,” says owner Marissa, who asked that her last name not be published, possibly out of fear that other birds would hit her up for cash.
The object of her largess is a 20-year-old blue-headed parrot named Marlowe who laughs at Eddie Murphy movies, says “Whoa scary” when watching violent TV shows and sniffs wine before sipping it.
“He won’t drink bad wine,” explains Marissa. And he’s only been soused once--at a New Year’s Eve party where he “literally swung from the chandelier by one leg.”
As for the expensive furniture, Marissa insists it isn’t solely for the parrot. “The room is for us too,” she says. “We hang out there.”
Nevertheless, the store where they bought the stuff--Homestead House--sent a letter to the parrot thanking him for the purchase and adding, “It’s not every day that we are able to serve blue-headed parrots who have such discriminating tastes.”
Fortuneteller Ratings Bureau: What are the most reliable methods for predicting the future? According to a survey in USA Today, 49% of Americans say biblical prophecies provide accurate forecasts, 22% believe in the Farmer’s Almanac, 21% think astrology works, 16% trust psychics, 3% have confidence in Ouija boards and 2% believe Magic Eight Balls.
Alarming Trends Monitor: The world’s first 1980s-themed nightclub opens in New York this week, complete with a mural of Adam Ant, a drink called the Cabbage Patch and giant Rubik’s Cubes dangling from the ceiling.
Sibling Rivalry Bureau: We have always wanted to be the object of a bidding war, preferably between movie studios offering astronomical sums for our screenplay, but we’ll take what we can get. Gabrielle Nicole Green writes: “I am an 11-year-old girl and I always read your column. I fight with my sister (age 7 1/2) so I get the part of the paper with your column first.”
Best Supermarket Tabloid Story: We used to look forward to the second coming of Christ, but now we’re not so sure. According to the Weekly World News, Jesus will descend from the clouds on Jan. 1, 2000, at which time he’ll perform a series of amazing miracles, and all the nations of the world will voluntarily destroy their weapons and submit to his authority. Sounds great, right? Wrong! Because this “Jesus” will actually be a space alien in disguise. “Extraterrestrial invaders plan to conquer our planet and enslave every man, woman and child--without ever firing a single laser beam,” says the tabloid. “And they’ll do it by turning our most cherished religious doctrine against us.”
Roy Rivenburg’s e-mail address is roy.rivenburg@latimes.com. Unpaid Informants: Candy Burgess, Bea Collins, Michael Shermer, Wireless Flash News. Off-Kilter runs Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays until the space alien Jesus takes over and cancels the column.
