Parenting and Child Safety

* I found an ironic message in two articles in the Jan. 3 edition of The Times.

On one page, an article quoted the Livermore deputy city attorney stating that the public library should offer “everything under the sun to the public” including unlimited access to the Internet, where children can be exposed to pornography and other information that might be considered dangerous to young, developing minds.

In another article, about two recent slaying in Ventura County of teenage girls, a psychologist states, “This is a culture where girls are sex objects. . . . That is the way our culture sets us up.”

Both articles imply that it is the responsibility of the parents alone to protect the children of our society and not society in general.

As a parent of two, I find it increasingly difficult to screen out all the inappropriate material from my children’s lives--from blatant sexuality on billboards and the sides of buses to inappropriate language and information on radio and television. To be the “parent who does everything” would mean to constantly invade our children’s lives, creating a relationship that is potentially destructive to the child’s emerging sense of autonomy. In addition, to imply that this task is even possible is totally unrealistic. A parent should be able to send her 12-year-old child to the library, as she should be able to allow her 15-year-old child the freedom to just “hang out” with friends or spend the night at a friend’s house.

I agree that some parents are lax and unable to set reasonable guidelines for their children because of fears of “not being liked.” I agree that we parents need to know where our child is and with whom.

However, to imply that we must hover over them at the computer at the public library and every moment they are listening to the radio or television is unrealistic.

We need to work together as a society to prevent the exposure of our children to inappropriate materials. The media must be held accountable for their part in the victimization of our children.

PATRICIA VAN BUSKIRK

Simi Valley

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* Re “Deaths of Two Teen Girls Alert Parents to Risks,” Jan. 3.

It is rather disturbing to me that the tone of this article seems to put the blame for the death of the two young women on their parents. It seems unnecessarily cruel.

It is also distressing that a clinical psychologist was quoted suggesting that parents who are not afraid of being hated by their children will be able to keep them safe. The doctor’s facile advice to parents avoids the uncomfortable but true reality that tragedy can occur even to very good people, even to the sons and daughters of caring and careful parents.

Years ago, it was believed that diseases of the brain such as schizophrenia and autism were the fault of the mother of the child. Then as now, ascribing blame to tangible factors served to allay the fears of the individual and of society, who are at a loss when attempting to understand tragedy.

I would expect that, if not society in general, at least professionals in clinical psychology would have more sophisticated understanding that the world is not fair. No amount of platitudes will change that.

INES MONGUIO

Ventura