Patch and the Bard a Prime Matchup
To be or not to be: Scenarios for Patching prime time.
Strong box-office receipts for the Robin Williams movie “Patch Adams” have not gone unnoticed by the television industry, which is always on the lookout for a successful film concept it can replicate. Even though the success of “Patch Adams” has been generally matched in early 1999 by “A Civil Action” with John Travolta, a doctor employing funny noses and other clownish stunts to make patients laugh is much more widely adaptable to TV than an underdog attorney who bets everything on a toxic waste case.
At least that’s what my industry snitch, Minsky, has been saying.
“Patch is God’s gift to TV,” Minsky told me this week. “The noses, the high jinks--Patch has everything.”
Minsky added that “Patch Adams” is not the only high-profile theatrical movie that TV executives envision converting to TV. There’s the widely acclaimed “Shakespeare in Love,” for example, a witty account of how the great Bard came to write “Romeo and Juliet.”
Shakespeare in prime time? That seemed like a real stretch to me, until Minsky cited some of the exciting spinoffs being studied:
* “Spelling in Love.” The same rollicking romp, but with a twist. “You’d use the movie’s structure,” Minsky explained. “But why not give some credit to one of our own bards?” He meant Aaron Spelling, of course, one of the most successful producers TV has ever known.
“The possibilities are endless,” Minsky said. “You go back to the ‘Charlie’s Angels’ period, for example, and show the genesis of that idea. You know, the entire creative process. Why three angels instead of two? That sort of thing. Then you move on to ‘Beverly Hills, 90210’ and ‘Melrose Place.’ I mean, why have Kimberly blow up the apartment building? That’s what viewers care about, not ‘Romeo and Juliet.’ ”
* “Sir Guy of Warwick, Sir Guy of Cornwall, a Maiden and a Pizza Place.” A wacky Elizabethan comedy, Minsky said, although some of the kinks have to be worked out.
* “Will of Stratford-on-Avon & Gertrude of Windsor.” You can’t push the envelope without taking a few liberties, Minsky explained. “In this comedy Will and Gertrude live together even though he’s straight and she’s lesbian, the humor coming from their loving but platonic relationship. No romance, they’re just great friends. Except,” Minsky added with a twinkle, “when they fight over who gets to wear the tights.”
It sounded a bit risky.
“The backup is ‘Will & Gloucester,’ ” Minsky said. “But with all this focus on the classics, there’s also plenty of support for ‘Pet & Kate.’ ”
Sheer genius. Pet being Petrucio, who weds the shrewish Kate, a recipe for prime-time high jinks if there ever was one.
“It’s set in a 16th century ale house where Pet and Kate and their comrades hang out, boozing and schmoozing,” Minsky explained. “You know, a little ‘Friends,’ a little ‘Taming of the Shrew’ and a little ‘Mad About You’ when Kate gets with child, just to keep the family values crowd happy.”
A winner for sure. Before getting to “Patch Adams,” Minsky mentioned several other highly regarded concepts for movie adaptation:
* “Wake Up, Ned!” The movie “Waking Ned Devine” has charm, Minsky said, but not enough yuks for TV, something this sitcom would fix. “It’s about this sleepy little guy who’s always oversleeping and can’t stay awake. Cute, huh?”
* TV’s version of “A Bug’s Life,” to be titled “A Rug’s Life.”
“Too many viewers are queasy about insects,” Minsky said. “So we change the venue but keep the point of view.” But a series about a rug? “Think big,” Minsky said. “Who walks on a rug? Everyone at some time or another, so everyone can relate. You shoot life from a rug’s perspective, a rug’s-eye view straight up from the floor.” He winked. “And if you get a little leg in the process, you should worry?”
* TV’s version of “Stepmom.” This is where creativity counts, Minsky explained about “Shrew Mom.”
“This mom dies but doesn’t stay dead,” he said, laughing out loud. “She comes back as a microwave that starts yapping every time the stepmom opens the door: ‘It should be two minutes, not three, idiot!’ Or ‘That dish isn’t microwaveable, dummy!’ That sort of thing.”
With such a titillating buildup, I could hardly wait to hear about the “Patch Adams” projects.
Minsky said there are a bunch with can’t-miss potential, each filling a different need:
* “Patch Needleman.” A rabbi delights his congregation by wearing a propeller on his yarmulke.
* “He Got Patch!” Patch meets “White Men Can’t Jump” when a slow-footed doctor plays pickup basketball in the hood every week, endearing himself to other players by tying their shoelaces together. Look for an early monster dunk, when Patch is slammed through the basket.
* “E-ARRRRRRGH!” George Clooney’s coming exit from NBC’s “ER” leaves an opening for a similar series featuring a charismatic doctor who amuses his colleagues by wearing a red fright wig and google eyes during medical crises.
* “Party of Five Patches.” Adored family of orphans with red bulb noses.
* “Patch Adams & Eve.” The Playboy Channel weighs in.
* “War and Patch.” Another NBC movie based on a classic. Instead of Tolstoy’s Pierre Bezukhov being on the scene when the French occupy Moscow, it’s Patch who greets Napoleon, exposing him to the savage Russian winter by pulling down his breeches.
* “Putz Adams.” Is it possible that Patch has an evil twin? Stay tuned.
* “All Patch All the Time.” MSNBC adapts to the post-impeachment era.
* “Patch Ad Nauseam.” How much Patch is too much? Wolf Blitzer, Alan Dershowitz, Dee Dee Myers, Jerry Falwell, Larry Flynt and a psychic join the debate on CNN’s “Larry King Live.”
* “Patch Adieu!” This movie project is perfect for HBO’s dark sensibility, Minsky said. Patch’s patients arm themselves with bazookas. When Patch arrives at the hospital on stilts wearing wax lips, buck teeth, a carrot nose and open-toed size 16 shoes, they blow him away.