LAUGH LINES

The Bad Old Times: Two Amish men were sentenced to prison for plotting to sell drugs to Amish youths. “The lawyers tried to blame it on the negative influences of violent parlor games and hidden messages in ‘Poor Richard’s Almanac.’ ” (Bill Maher)

We Apologize in Advance: The Vatican is set to open a store in New York City. “It’s going to be called Miracle on 34th Street.” (Joe Kevany)

Home Truths: According to a government study, Los Angeles is the 17th-most-dangerous city in the country for pedestrians. “Which is amazing to me. I don’t see anybody walking in L.A.” (Jay Leno)

Screen Scene: The average cost of making and marketing a movie last year was more than $70 million. “Or roughly seven bags of popcorn.” (Daily Scoop)

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The Essential

David Letterman

Signs you’re at a makeshift rodeo:

10. “Cowboy hats” look suspiciously like traffic cones.

9. Big event is dachshund roping.

7. It only receives coverage on ESPN8.

5. “Bull” really just a Whirlpool dryer with uneven balance.

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.