Flying in the Face of Sanity

Did you hear about Thor the Human Fly dying?

It was in all the papers. Thor the Human Fly, dead at 32. He fell off a cliff. I just hate to see a human fly go that way, don’t you?

OK, sure, we all know that a human fly can go at any minute. It’s an occupational hazard.

Let’s face it, if you fill out a tax form and jot down your occupation as “Fly (Human),” there’s a pretty good chance you won’t be around to fill out next year’s form. What is the life expectancy of a human fly, anyway? Six weeks beyond graduation from the Human Fly Academy? You won’t find many human flies in retirement homes.

Thor Kappfjell--it’s pronounced exactly the way it’s spelled--was known as the Human Fly before he earned his angel wings. A few days ago, poor Thor was attempting a stunt in his native Norway when he fell from the peak of a 3,300-foot cliff. He must have missed that “Watch Your Step” sign. Cliff winner. Thor loser.

Do I sound unsympathetic? Sue me.

I don’t feel sorry for human flies. I do feel sorry for human beings, ones who get sick or get killed. But all I can say about people in Thor the Human Fly’s line of work is that they are in the world’s most stupid profession.

(I looked it up. Third most stupid: snake charmer. Second most stupid: pet psychiatrist. Most stupid: human fly.)

Who knows? It could be that in Norway, human fly is a position of great dignity and respect, right up there with being king. I have been to Norway. I met all kinds of honest laborers there, including reindeer drivers. Perhaps they all wished they could quit their day jobs, so they could be more like Thor.

“Be Like Thor” might even be a big ad campaign over there, like that one here for Michael Jordan.

*

Trapeze artists, tightrope walkers, human cannonballs . . . we have always had daredevils. You still can’t turn on the evening news without seeing some knucklehead leaping a cycle over a ravine, or through a flaming hoop over 25 yellow school buses.

Karl Wallenda, the great German-born circus performer, spent nearly 20 years entertaining Ringling Bros. big top audiences, up on his high wire. But family members died in accidents in 1962, 1963 and 1972, and Karl himself was killed while performing. That’s entertainment?

I get the willies just thinking about it.

It would be OK by me if the daredevil business became obsolete. I get enough cheap thrills without needing to see some wannabe Houdini have himself locked inside a safe and get dunked in a tank of water. Sometimes, I am ashamed to admit, I root for the safe.

Thor the Human Fly was a parachutist and a danger-lover. Speaking for myself, the only danger I love is riding on an airplane and deciding between the lasagna and the chicken.

His obituary says that Thor threw himself off 200 buildings, mountains and towers (including the Eiffel) and once sky-dived from the roof of the Norwegian prime minister’s headquarters. (I believe this moment might have been captured by TV cameras on “Good Morning, Oslo.”)

After that, the Human Fly invaded New York.

On Oct. 25, 1998, Thor jumped from the 86th-floor observation deck of the Empire State Building, much to the dismay of Mayor Rudy Giuliani, who believes being a human fly is a really stupid and jerky thing to do. I know this because Giuliani recently referred to an intended stunt of Thor’s as “a really stupid and jerky thing to do.”

Thor also plunged from the 61st floor of the Chrysler Building, with cops unable to stop him. I know this because the commissioner of police that week specifically ordered New York’s finest to be on the lookout for thieves, muggers and human flies.

When he set his sights on the World Trade Center next, a three-flies-and-you’re-out order was immediately issued by the mayor’s office.

Thor flew anyway.

On March 25 of this year, he parachuted 110 stories to the street, where cops slapped the cuffs on the fly. He entered a guilty plea to first-degree reckless endangerment, which I guess means he endangered New Yorkers by risking a crash landing on top of one.

His terrifying sentence was seven days of community service. I wonder if the fly had to pick through garbage.

*

I don’t know why Thor the Human Fly did what he did for a living. Maybe jumping off the Empire State Building was his idea of a good time. Maybe every boy in Norway dreams of jumping off the prime minister’s roof, the way American boys dream of scoring touchdowns.

The fly died when he miscalculated a cliff jump in the fog. What a way to go.

Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be human flies. Tell them to pick a respectable profession and be doctors, teachers, journalists . . . well, doctors or teachers.

The world doesn’t need any more daredevils. When you see something fly off a ledge, it should be a pigeon.

*

Mike Downey’s column appears Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Write to him at Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles CA 90053. E-mail: mike.downey@latimes.com