Can They Talk? Confessions of Kermit and Miss Piggy

They are one of cinema’s most popular couples. No, we’re not talking about Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman here, but those Muppet superstars Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy.

In fact, the duo have become the Tracy and Hepburn of the Muppet world. Teaming up for the first time nearly a quarter of a century ago in the classic TV series, “The Muppet Show,” they made their film debut 20 years ago in “The Muppet Movie.” Kermit and Miss Piggy have subsequently starred in “The Great Muppet Caper,” “The Muppets Take Manhattan,” “The Muppet Christmas Carol” and “Muppet Treasure Island.” Their latest film venture is “Muppets From Space,” a Columbia Pictures release that opened Wednesday.

Separately, the erudite Kermit has written the book, “One Frog Can Make a Difference: Kermit’s Guide to Life” and has guest-hosted “The Tonight Show” and “Larry King Live.” The glamorous Miss Piggy has written the best-sellers “Miss Piggy’s Guide to Life” and “In the Kitchen with Miss Piggy.” Her new perfume, aptly titled “Moi” is currently in stores.

Kermit and Miss Piggy recently chatted about love, alien abduction and Tom Cruise in a suite at the Four Seasons. As usual, Miss Piggy dominated the proceedings.

Question: So are you two still an item?

Piggy: We are not an item, but two souls locked together for eternity!

Kermit: Wait a second, Piggy!

Piggy: Let me explain. You know men. Men like a certain freedom. . . .

Piggy: May I talk? Do you want to tell her? Men like a certain freedom so when they do have a love like ours, they want to keep a certain part of themselves free.

Kermit: [Starts whistling.]

Piggy: Will you stop that? In public, he says we are not an item, but in private, we are gangbusters. I just want to clear that up. That is his public persona. He doth protest too much.

Q: So are there marriage plans?

Piggy: We are married!

Kermit: No. We are not married!

Piggy: We are married! In “The Muppets Take Manhattan” movie, we were married and it was a real priest [who married us]. It was not an actor. We had a legal priest.

Kermit: I was tricked.

Q: “Muppets From Space” deals with aliens coming to Earth, which brings up the question of whether you believe in UFOs?

Kermit: Oh sure. I think I do. Do you?

Piggy: I questioned it at first until I was kidnapped by a UFO.

Kermit: You were kidnapped? You were abducted?

Piggy: I told you that but you never listen. The important things you never listen to. . . . It happened when I was on the farm in Iowa when I was a little girl.

Kermit: I thought you were from Idaho.

Piggy: Well, it was one of those ‘I’ states. I was on the farm with my mother and my father before he died and I was abducted. Not for long, but for about a half-hour. The aliens weren’t there. They had robots [on board] and they kept on saying things like “Pig. Pig.” They didn’t know what a pig was.

Q: I didn’t know your father died when you were a youngster.

Piggy: It was a tractor accident. It’s difficult to talk about. He treated me like a princess. I was with my mother for a while but I don’t talk about my mother.

Kermit: Can I ask one thing? Is your mother still alive?

Piggy: You know she’s alive. I told you that. You never listen.

Q: Can you describe the chemistry between you?

Piggy: There is an aura and a tension and electricity between us.

Kermit: Yeah, that’s true. The tension part.

Piggy: Susan, as a woman I am sure you know this, when I saw the little green fellow here, there was at that moment, a kind of a “cajong.” And from that moment on, it was an unspeakable obsession. That moment has never ended for us.

Kermit: I admit, I did cajong too. It was a similar experience.

Piggy: The cajong actually means a bond of sorts. Of course, the cajong isn’t as vital and intense for Kermit, but being a woman it is still vital and alive for moi as ever.

Q: Kermit, I wanted to know why sometimes you wear clothes, like in the movie and your current “drink milk” ad, and why sometimes, like today, you are au naturel?

Kermit: It’s a PC thing. Some places I go, it’s not necessarily appropriate to be naked. I figured you wouldn’t mind today.

But sometimes you walk into a big New York ad agency to do something like the milk ad and they see you naked and they want to put clothes on you. It’s not easy to find clothes in my size either. I am a 6-extra spindly.

Q: Do you have your own pad there?

Kermit: Sure.

Piggy: He doesn’t care much for shopping. So we have own separate lives and then there’s sparks [when we get together]. We’re talking major sparks.

Q: Are either of you planning to write another book?

Piggy: I am writing an autobiography. The working title is, “The Pig in All of Us.”

Kermit: I have been working on a channeling thing called “Conversations With Toad.” That’s what I am going to be doing.

Piggy: Who channels through you?

Kermit: The big toad in the sky. It’s a very spiritual book. Living in the swamp is a very spiritual place.

Piggy: It’s a disgusting place. Heels are difficult in the mud.

Kermit: She sort of has passed the mud stage in her life.

Q: What’s next acting-wise for both of you?

Piggy: I have many offers. Of course, there are scads of offers from England to do the classics.

Q: Like Shakespeare?

Piggy: Yes, but I feel like I have to go back to acting school and sharpen up a little bit. I am going to explore moi’s acting talents more. I am going to be taking voice and fencing.

Kermit: I am going to New York next week to work on a “Sesame Street” special called “Cinder Elmo.” I am playing myself as a news reporter which is what I do on “Sesame Street.”

Kermit (to Piggy): Do you know Tom Cruise is here [at the Four Seasons] today [doing interviews for “Eyes Wide Shut”]?

Piggy: Noooo. Tom Cruise is here?

Kermit: I am working on a little project with him called “Mouths Wide Open” (Kermit opens his mouth as wide as possible).

Piggy: That was very cute.