From L.A. to N.Y. on Two Tokens and a Prayer

This week’s L.A. Business Journal contains several predictions made in the 1980s, some of which haven’t quite panned out. Like the forecast that there would be a subway running from Los Angeles to New York by the year 2000.

Then again, North Hollywood, New York . . . what’s the difference?

A second prediction held that by the year 2000 ticket-takers in movie theaters would be replaced by robots. How could you tell?

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WHO GETS THE CHANGE? You may recall the warm and friendly sales receipt that Frank Kessler of Woodland Hills received from a clerk--the one that said, “Hi, I’m Manager” (see accompanying).

Well, Elizabeth Brown of L.A. looked at her warm and friendly receipt and noticed it said, “Hi, I’m Customer” (see accompanying).

As Brown recalls, she was the one who had to fork over the dough for the goods.

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SPEAKING OF ROLE REVERSAL: Years ago, a friend of mine walked into a fast-food stand in West L.A. at 2:30 in the morning and heard customers griping about the slow service.

“That’s it, I quit,” the chef said.

“Well, let us come back there and cook our own orders then,” said one impatient woman.

“Come on, I don’t care,” the chef said.

Several customers did, including my friend. He was pouring himself a cup of coffee when he felt someone tap him on the shoulder. It was the same chef.

“Pour it in a coffee cup, not a soft drink cup,” the recently retired worker said helpfully. Hey, it was my friend’s first day behind the counter.

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TWENTY-SIX MILES ACROSS THE SEA: Here are some milestones in mainland-to-island transportation:

* 1898: A carrier pigeon named Orlando allegedly transports a message from the Hotel Metropole in Avalon to Bunker Hill in 45 minutes.

* 1912: Glenn Martin, departing from Long Beach, flies the first airplane from the mainland to Catalina. Time: 27 minutes. Martin’s mother, worried that he might crash, had advised him to wear clean clothes on the trip.

* 1927: George Young, splashing into the surf in Long Beach, swims to the island in just under 16 hours to win a $25,000 prize posted by chewing-gum mogul (and Catalina owner) William Wrigley Jr.

* 1953: Inventor Charles E. “Fantastic” Smith attempts to float from Cabrillo Beach to Catalina inside a plastic ball. It becomes waterlogged after a few minutes, ending the journey.

* 1953: A week later, Fantastic Smith tries to log-roll his way from Cabrillo to the island on a revolving barrel supported by a framework of aluminum tubing. This time he makes three miles--in five hours--before the structure collapses and he is rescued by the U.S. Coast Guard.

* 1978: Howard Singer becomes the first person to drive from the mainland to Catalina, averaging 3 mph over the 26 miles in his Aquacar. Detroit takes no notice.

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ONLY IN L.A.--THE EUROPEAN EDITION: I’m honored to report that the Cornelsen Publishing House in Berlin has contacted me about using a snapshot by Brian Fairlee that appeared in this column (see photo). It will appear in a school textbook. I knew the only way my work would appear in a textbook would be in the kids’-don’t-do-this section.

miscelLAny:

John Dreyfuss of Santa Monica received a flier that declared: “Antique Furniture Made Daily.” Commented Dreyfuss: “Sounds like what our pets did to our chairs and sofa.”