LAUGH LINES
On the Campaign Trail: Time magazine reports that Tipper Gore has admitted using marijuana in the past. “I didn’t even know she had glaucoma.” (Jay Leno)
On the Campaign Trail II: George W. Bush has decided not to accept federal matching funds so that he can spend as much as he wants on his campaign. “A guy who does not have spending limits, yeah, that’s the kind of president we want.” (Gary Easley)
Changing Channels: Trade papers say that NBC has agreed to pay $5 million an episode for “Friends” through the 2002 season. “For $5 million a night, you ought to be more than just friends.” (Argus Hamilton)
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The Essential
David Letterman
Top signs the pressure is getting to you during a perfect game:
10. When the catcher visits the mound, you gaze deep into his eyes and whisper, “Hold me.”
9. You decide to leave after the seventh inning to beat the traffic.
6. You start to wonder if maybe Dr. J is your real father.
2. After each strike, you rip off your jersey and run around in a black sports bra.
1. You help the umpire by licking home plate clean.
Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.
