Reagan Tribute Could Be a Mountain of Trouble

If they caught me, I’d be dead. With agents of the Evil Empire at my heels, I jumped over Teddy Roosevelt’s forehead, slid down Honest Abe’s nose, and barely managed a flying leap onto the crest of Ronald Reagan’s pompadour.

That’s when I woke up, my heart pounding. Just a bad dream, right?

Not quite, I came to find out.

For if there’s ever a remake of the Hitchcock classic “North by Northwest,” the climactic, heart-stopping chase scene on Mt. Rushmore could be staged atop the Great Communicator.

If an Arizona congressman has his way, Reagan’s beaming visage will be carved forever into the South Dakota mountains, cheek by jowl with Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln and Roosevelt.

This possibility--we’ll generously call it a long shot--should set off alarms in Simi Valley, the current world capital of Ronald Reagan veneration.

Of course, the city will continue to be the home of the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library and Museum.

It’s the spot where Reagan and Nancy will one day rest in peace. Their grave site on a bluff at the library commands a magnificent view of the valley and the Ronald Reagan Freeway threading through it.

But even with all that, a quadrillion-ton Mt. Rushmore bust of Reagan would cast a long shadow over Simi.

The center of Reaganania would shift to the Black Hills. Tourists and schoolkids still would troop to the library--but it’s no Rushmore.

Simi still would be a major dot on the national map of Reagan shrines, but its glory would seem rather trickle-down.

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Strolling through the Reagan museum, I came across an oil painting of a five-headed Rushmore. Reagan is at the far right.

That’s the vision of artist David Bradley, but the bill starting its journey through Congress doesn’t specify Reagan’s place in the lineup. Its author, Rep. Matt Salmon, would first have a panel of experts determine whether it’s even possible to bring more monument to the mountain.

“It’s not like he’s standing there with a chisel in his hand,” said a spokeswoman for Salmon, who, needless to say, is a Republican.

Carving Mount Rushmore cost less than $1 million, but in the Depression, presidential sculptures twice the height of the Sphinx came cheap. Today’s cost would no doubt be mind-boggling, but it wouldn’t be an issue, Salmon has vowed. His bill would set up a foundation to solicit private funds for the project, which would use not one public cent.

Federal officials have already raised objections. Washington’s face might not withstand nearby blasting, they’ve contended. And there might not be room for another head.

“If it’s not feasible, we’d understand,” Salmon’s spokeswoman said. “But we’ve learned to not take everything from this administration seriously.”

In fact, the congressman isn’t above an occasional joke himself.

“I hear my Democratic friends want to add two faces to Mt. Rushmore,” he said in a press release. “Bill Clinton.”

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Other efforts to put Reagan on the map abound.

Based in Washington, the Reagan Legacy Project aims to have a major feature in each state named after Reagan, as well as less well-known roads, schools, bridges and the like in each county.

So far, the 2-year-old group has succeeded most notably in adding Washington’s National Airport (now the Ronald Reagan National Airport) and the Florida Turnpike (now--you guessed it--the Ronald Reagan Turnpike) to the 30 or so other Gipperized spots around the U.S.

“We’re not incurring any opposition,” said the group’s executive director, Michael Kamburowski.

Some of the project’s most intriguing objectives are a bit off the beaten path. In Alaska, mountain climbers want to scale an unnamed peak and christen it “Mt. Reagan.” In Des Moines, fund-raising has commenced for a historical marker at the site of the old train station from which the young Reagan boarded a choo-choo bound for Hollywood.

Farther afield yet, the South Pacific waters that serve as a U.S. missile range will henceforth be known as the Ronald Reagan Strategic Defense Initiative Test Site. The parliament of the Marshall Islands made that dream a reality just last week.

As for the Rushmore bust, Kamburowski is all for it.

“It’s a good idea,” he said. “It isn’t something that will happen overnight, but maybe over the next two or three decades.”

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So take heart, Simi Valley: You have a little breathing room. Meanwhile, you might strengthen your hold on the Reagancy with a Reagan Avenue or a Reagan Park or an Arroyo Ronaldo. But keep an eye open for congressional grandstanding and an ear open for distant blasting. If you don’t, our 40th president might just be taken for granite.

Steve Chawkins is a Times staff writer. His e-mail address is steve.chawkins@latimes.com.