Human-Sled Race a Watered-Down Version of Iditarod

From the Gallery column in the San Diego Union-Tribune: “The real Iditarod mushes on, but the Urban Iditarod has seen the last of the 20th century.

“Last Saturday [March 6], teams of humans dressed in dog costumes pulled shopping carts and mushers through 3.5 miles of tourist-infested downtown San Francisco.

“To maintain their energy, the ‘dogs’ were watered every three-quarters of a mile at local watering holes.”

Trivia time: What is the record for fewest points by a team in a men’s NCAA basketball tournament game?

Whatever works: Tampa Bay Lightning forward Benoit Hogue, who wears No. 33, after scoring two goals against the Colorado Avalanche:

“I’m playing better because I switched my numbers, but nobody could tell. I switched one 3 with the other 3. So my luck has changed.”

Not a bad idea: Jim Armstrong in the Denver Post: “If only they could put Duke in the NBA and the Clippers in the NCAA. Then things might get interesting.”

Bet on it: Tim Keown of the San Francisco Chronicle, on the NCAA tournament: “Whatever happens, Vitale knew it all along.”

Classy group: Steve Rosenbloom in the Chicago Tribune: “The All-Name Final Four: Jermel President of the College of Charleston; Marvin Gay of Murray State; Mikko Noopila of New Mexico State, and Quilininious Randall of George Mason.”

Not so classy: Tony Kornheiser of the Washington Post suggests an “Animals-With-Pointed-Snouts Final Four”: Wisconsin Badgers, Florida Gators, Arkansas Razorbacks, Coach K.

Guessing game: Blackie Sherrod in the Dallas Morning News: “What’s in a name? Jerome Haywood, a Hollywood scriptwriter? No, a San Diego State tackle. Stanislav Makshantsev, commands a Russian tank division? Nope, plays basketball at Furman.”

Quick exit: Because of an aching Achilles’ tendon, Knick center Patrick Ewing pulled himself out of Tuesday night’s game with Milwaukee after one trip down the floor.

Headline in the New York Post: “He Got Lame.”

Come again? Yankee pitcher Roger Clemens, asked about the disappointments of 1986, when his Boston Red Sox lost the World Series to the New York Mets:

“I don’t look back that far into the future.”

Trivia answer: 20, by North Carolina in losing to Pittsburgh (26) in the East Regional final in 1941.

And finally: Former New York Gov. Mario Cuomo: “There couldn’t be a Joe DiMaggio today. Today they’d destroy, or at least impair, DiMaggio and Ted Williams and Joe Louis by telling stories about their tax returns and their temper tantrums.

“And the Drudge Report would come up with an old girlfriend who said she went out with all three of them.”