Wheel-Life Stress

As one who learned to ride a bicycle more than 40 years ago, I’d like to make this point to my fellow travelers:

I have a right to the road, too.

But I’m speaking as a motorist. And I’m speaking to bicyclists (I haven’t done any pedaling since my bike was stolen in college).

My gripe is bicyclists who blissfully ignore the traffic laws, especially those who run stop signs. When was the last time you saw a Schwinn stopped at a stop sign? I keep looking at stop signs, but I can never spot the words “except bicyclists” inscribed on them.

Actually, I do remember seeing one bicyclist slow down. But he was merely waiting for a buddy who had lagged behind. His buddy sailed past him and through the intersection, laughing hysterically--as I put on my brakes to avoid a collision.

One bicyclist confessed to me that whenever she runs a stop sign, her biggest fear is that she’s going to crash into another bicyclist doing the same thing from the intersecting side street.

Then there are the pedalers who insist on riding two and three abreast in one-lane roads. Not only does a motorist have to cross into oncoming traffic to pass them, but if they’re wearing those garishly colored Spandex uniforms, the sight can be blinding.

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No doubt some of you may be asking how I, the driver of a polluting vehicle, can criticize these hardy riders of self-propelled machines. It isn’t lingering bitterness over my stolen bicycle. And it has nothing to do with the time a messenger on a bike nearly ran me down on Broadway--on the sidewalk.

No, simply put, I just don’t want to squash a bicyclist with my car.

I’ve developed a theory about rude L.A. bicyclists. They’re just rude L.A. drivers who have temporarily switched modes of transportation. They show the same disregard for others that they do on freeways. Take those stop sign scofflaws: I’m told it’s too much trouble to stop and then start again at each corner. What I think is: They’re in a hurry.

I should add, however, there is one area where bicyclists are extremely rules-conscious: bike paths.

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Let a pedestrian or in-line skater so much as touch their hallowed ground and the pedalers will scream. Bike path rage isn’t pretty. These paths are, of course, the stages where many cyclists choose to reach Olympic speeds with their 20-gear machines while wearing the latest yuppie gizmos. (I love the water bottles that attach to the shirt with a rubber drinking tube. Don’t want to have to come to a stop to take a drink of water, do we?)

Pedestrians and in-line skaters aren’t the only nuisances for bike path users. I’ve noticed that some of them also have contempt for casual (read: slow) pedalers, whom they will tailgate and/or growl at. And if a child on a bicycle tries to use the bicycle path . . . well, the very idea!

Unfortunately, there don’t seem to be enough bike paths to keep rude pedalers off the streets.

One solution might be to isolate them on their own freeways, which actually has been tried. At the turn of the century, Pasadena unveiled an elevated, wooden toll road for bikes that ran about a mile. But it didn’t do enough business, and was dismantled. The Pasadena Freeway now uses part of the route.

A West L.A. veloway, running from Olympic Boulevard to Westwood, has been on the drawing board for more than a decade. It would be a fascinating experiment, if only for the traffic reports. (“We’ve got a Spoke Alert near Santa Monica Boulevard. Looks like a jackknifed bicycle built for two. . . .”)

Alas, bicycle freeways don’t seem to be on the horizon in budget-strapped Southern California. The only other way to get pedaling violators off the streets would be stronger traffic enforcement. But when was the last time you saw a bicyclist receiving a ticket?

Not only should lawbreakers see more blinking red lights in their rearview mirrors, their punishments should fit their crimes. I’d recommend these penalties:

* For a first offense: no wearing of a Spandex bicycle uniform for six months (nine months, if it has yellow, purple or orange on it).

* For a second offense: six months of weekend duty spent picking up trash along a bicycle path while wearing an orange non-Spandex vest.

* And, finally, for a third offense: home detention.

That’s right, six months of pedaling on nothing but a stationary bicycle. There, at least, those annoying stop signs wouldn’t be a problem.